Catch You When You Fall
by IlovetowriteSMP
Summary: Jarly short stories. Latest story- Carly dreamed of Jason when she was in her coma. COMPLETE
1. Losing Ground

**Losing Ground**

He hangs up his cell phone with a soft click, as time freezes for a brief second. His jaw clenched when he heard her soft crying on the other end of the phone:

__

I didn't know. I swear....I didn't....He's not your son.

First the phone hits the wall, shattering like the many lives he has taken and the others he just ruined, and then its his desk that is overturned and the file cabinet, as the door flies open. One look at him and Milo closes the door without a word.

Emotions flood him, tripping over each other, rushing through his veins like poison: relief, shame, guilt, anger, grief, regrets.

He's turned into someone he hates....this man who lies to himself and everyone he loves. This man who has been running non stop for two years trying to make up for things that can not ever be made up again. To do right by Jake because he messed up with Michael. To make a family with Liz because he never could give Sam the one she wanted with him so damn bad. To keep it all from Carly so she didn't ache like he does...but he failed on every account.

A few whispered words over a phone line and he isn't Jake's father anymore. Its over.

He's destroyed what little bit of a peace all of them had for nothing. A mistake in a hospital file. A child he wanted to give the world but who he knew he never could.

Its better this way. He knows that, as he sinks to the ground with his back resting on the wall. Its better.

But it still hurts.

XXXXXXXX

She heard the words and her heart clutched. Milo's usually stuttering, sweet tone vacant and in its place a quiet, pitying one_ I didn't know who else to call. _

One quick knock on the door and then, without waiting for an answer, she walks into his office, her mouth opening to say his name before she even takes in the wreckage before her "Jase...."

When there eyes meet, she knows. It doesn't take any words but he gives them anyway. Its easy to tell the truth now. When this truth won't rip apart her dreams, at least he thinks. But her dreams are made around him, and if he breaks, she will be just as broken.

"Jake is not my son." Each word is low, shaking off his tongue, as his eyes tear. He's losing what he never really had in the first place but its still a loss that flips their world off its axis. Pain shoots through her for this child she never wanted to exist, and then never got to hold, this baby she loved from a distance.

Every part of him she loves.....even the parts that hurt her the most.

Within a second, the door is closed and she is next to him on the ground. Kneeling there, her face inches from him, one hand slides into his and the other touches his cheek.

His eyes are so guilty.

Forgiveness is given in an instant. Right or wrong...maybe they would be somewhere different if she didn't forgive so easily, or if he didn't know her forgiveness was always waiting for him....either way, she can not help but give him everything she is able.

Before Carly finds any words to tell him, Jason adds "I never would have been able to be a good father to him....this is what's best for him. Lucky... he'll give Jake what I couldn't."

Logic. He'll hide in that if she lets him. Push down this pain, make it another thing they can never talk about, until its just a ball inside of him. A spot she isn't allowed to touch. She can't bear to think of him pushing her away another time. There's nothing she ever wants to face without him, and nothing he should have to face without her. "You were doing the best you could for him. I know you wanted more...to be in his life everyday. I know how much you just lost." Her hand slides off his face and cups the back of his neck, as she rests her forehead against his. "Just promise me....you'll remember what you still have. I'm here and I'll always be here."

Through pain, through loss, through fear, on days of joy and days of hope, in times of despair and heart stopping grief, she runs to him or he comes to her. Together they can survive what neither would make it through alone. Later she will be angry, later she will rage and scream, later he will drive for hours alone and figure out what happens next for him, but for right now, they just hold each other and grieve the baby that has been the ghost in the room with them since before he was even born.

He pulls her close, burying his face in the crook of her neck, and murmuring words that are muffled on her skin. But she doesn't need to hear them aloud anyway. She knows.

He loves her.

And that is why when everything seems like it should be too much for her to bear anymore, when no one would blame her if she left him behind forever, when he has broken her heart and soul into millions of pieces, when pain overrides nearly everything, she still hangs on to him......she never walks away and never thinks about letting go.

Carly will always need Jason to catch her when she falls. But he's always needed her to do the same right back.

**THE END**


	2. Hold My Hand

The Christmas One Shot Series

Jason Morgan and Carly Benson

Hold My Hand

December 2036

_**Carly **_

My eyes drift open on a cold December morning. I'm stuck in the hospital fighting to live. Trying to not give in to despair. Trying to believe in God and miracles, just as strong as I believe in Jason. He's always called me a fighter and, if I'm going down, it will be swinging.

The first thing I see as I wake up is not his face, with tears in his eyes or worry that he is fighting to push back so I won't notice it there.

No. Not today.

This is Christmas morning and he's doing his best to make it a good one, despite everything. My eyes focus on a small tree, decorated with popcorn strings and homemade decorations the kids made back when they were in grade school. A smile curves over my lips. Before I even glance around the room to find him standing nearby- his face forty whole years older than the first time I ever saw it but just as beautiful to me- I knew it had to be Jason who had set the tree up for me.

There is nothing he won't do for me if he believes I really need it.

He would make the world spin in the opposite direction if he thought it would make me happy. My personal imperfect superhero. Every wrong he ever did to me he made up a thousand times over by being the hand that held mine whenever I needed him most.

"Jase?" I whisper as I push myself up.

"Hey."

Our eyes meet and for a second my life doesn't feel like it is nearly over. It's just beginning again. I'm at Jake's bar. Dancing with my boy on the side.

Back when I believed we would have it all. And, man, did we ever.

(_I can't remember when you weren't there,  
when I didn't care for anyone but you._

_  
I swear  
we've been through everything there is._

_  
Can't imagine anything we've missed  
Can't imagine anything the  
two of us can't do. _) ( Kenny Rogers)

XXXXXXXXXX

_**Jason **_

As I slide my hand into hers, it amazes me that her eyes can light up, that I can make her smile still....even now.

There's nothing more beautiful than Carly happy. I should have made her happier over the years, every damn chance I had I should have took, but she doesn't ever bring up the times I made her cry, or how it was me who had the power to break her spirit the worst.

Her eyes still shine whenever she looks at me. There's still grace and forgiveness every time her fingers brush over my skin.

Carly is not bitter about the time I wasted away, before I got my head on straight, so I can't be either. We have kids to put first...even if they are grown adults now...and I have to keep it together for her and them. Not get caught up in memories about fires, drinking contests, screaming at each other in the middle of Sonny's penthouse, standing by an elevator, looking up at her in my parents foyer a few minutes before she married my brother. I made it this far by never looking back...its just hard now....when I am afraid to look forward.

But we have this second. She hasn't given up on me ever....and I will not give up on her now.

"That tree is a little crooked," she jokes.

"I'll fix..."

She tugs me back down. "Its perfect as is."

Her body sways forward slowly, until she is leaning her weight on me. Its a feeling that's second nature by now. Comfortable. Right. What would a day be like if I didn't have my wife's head resting on my shoulder?

I don't want to find out.

Carly's raises one arm, the one without an IV in it, to loop around my neck. "Merry Christmas, hubby."

"Merry Christmas."

"Kinda sucks that we have to spend it here, though, huh?"

Without waiting for an answer her lips find mine. Its a kiss much softer than the first one we ever shared. Back when we were way too young to know we were starting off forever when we went up to that room, not just falling into a no name fling. I never would have believed it then, all she would come to mean to me.

The eyes that hold me steady when I'm falling apart. The fragile heart that always forgives. The smile that is the same one our daughter has. The scheming mind that kept me worried for her and her plans. The hands that hold mine when I'm desperate for her to make me whole again.

And every single time she did.

(_Through the years,  
you've never let me down._

_  
You've turned my life around._

_  
The sweetest days I've found  
I've found with you...._

_I can't remember what I used to do  
who I trusted,_

_who I listened to before._

_I swear_

_you've taught me everything I know._

_Can't imagine needing someone so_

_but through the years it seems I need you_

_more and more....) _

XXXXXXXXX

_Carly _

_December 2011_

_As I knock on his Penthouse door, I can't help but think we've come full circle. I've just walked in out of the rain, the same way I did all those years back. I'm standing here, soaking wet, about to make Jason a father again._

_I want this baby more than anything else in the world. It's my last chance, cause Lord knows I'm not getting any younger and its never been easy on my body to carry a pregnancy._

_Even though this baby is not a mistake for me, just an accident, or what I call "our beautiful surprise" I am not sure Jason will see it the same way. If he looks at me with disappointment in his eyes, even a trace, I will fall apart. I know I will._

_We've lost so much already. Some people- like Courtney, Emily, Alan and Lila- we can never get back. Some mistakes....like thinking Jake was his son for nearly two years...will be burned into us forever. Some lies never fade away. _

_But we've also gotten back so much too. Michael is living at home again. He's in high school, dates Tina Baldwin, and is begging for driving lessons. Morgan is learning the guitar from Lucky and becoming a soccer star on the team his Uncle Lucas coaches._

_And now I'm carrying their little sister or brother. The person who will make our family complete. _

_Still Jason's words echo in my mind "I was never meant to be a father," and fear shivers down my spine. He certainly will change his mind when he knows the baby is already on the way, right? He won't regret the fact that we started sleeping together again. We've always used protection. This was not a plan of mine, I swear it wasn't._

_There's no doubt Jason will stick by my side. I just want him to be as thrilled as I am._

_When he pulls open the door, he gives me a strange look. "You knock now? What happened to just barging in?" He's smiling, and a second later his lips hit mine._

_It has only been a couple of months since we've been dating again but it feels so familiar already. There's no one I know better than him._

_And just like that....I'm calm again....as his lips pull away from mine, and I know, deep down in my heart, he will be as happy about this baby as I am. "Jase....I got news."_

_His eyes search mine. "Everything okay? You aren't in any sort of trouble, are you?"_

"_They use to call it that. But no....I don't think she'll be giving us any trouble for at least a few years...." I take his hand and place it on my stomach. "Twenty bucks says I'm pregnant."_

_Its take a second for the shock to wear off but then a smile starts to curve over his lips. "Is this something you think or you know?"_

"_If you are asking why I didn't tell you before I took the test it was because we were being so careful that I thought I was late for some other reason, so rather than worry you, I went to see Kelly on my own....and she said there will be a new Morgan here in a little over seven months." _

_His hand slides up underneath my shirt and caresses my stomach. Our baby. _

_Jason's body is pressed close to mine as he whispers "I'll do better this time, okay?"_

"_We'll do better together."_

_(_Through the years it's better everyday.

You've kissed my tears away.

As long as it's okay,  
I'll stay with you  
through the years.

Through the years  
when everything went wrong, together we were strong.

I know that I belong  
right here with you.

Through the years  
I've never had a doubt.  
We'd always work things out.

I've learned what life's about  
by loving you  
through the years)

_THE END_

Merry Christmas, Jarly fans!


	3. The Hero Who Saves the Day

Note- an expanded version of the soulmate dream.

**The Hero Who Saves the Day**

**March 2008**

She knows she is dying, as she floats in the near frozen water, and all Carly can think is:

__

I'll never see him again. I'll never see Jason.

Is that wrong? Should she think of her boys instead? Her husband? Right or wrong, it is Jason who fills her mind in these moments.

She's fought so hard- all her life- but not even Carly is strong enough to heat her core body temperature back up with just the sheer will of her mind. If someone doesn't come along soon and save her....she'll die. Alone, shivering, with Jason in Seattle- too far away to save her this time- as her eyes drift close she can almost feel his breath on her neck and his voice in her ear.

XXXXXXXXXXX

__

Hang on, Carly. Fight harder! You got to do this...do this for me.

Jason lays on the operating table, his body is being healed but it is his heart that is in real jeopardy.....because Carly needs him and he has to find a way to save her or else his life will be good for nothing for the rest of his days.

He can play all he wants at loving other women but Carly's had his heart in her back pocket for twelve years now. His soul can feel hers slipping away....and he can't have that. He can't stay here without her. He won't.

__

You fight to hang on to me, Carly, like you always have.....I told you I'd go anywhere to find you....and I will.

XXXXXXXXXXX

_Carly leans over the pool table. Jason is pressed against her, helping her line up the shot. She looks up at him and smirks. Like she needs help. She's gotten damn good at this over the years._

_She shoots and her ball flies into the corner pocket, clearing the table. Carly straightens, tosses the stick away, and wraps her arms around Jason's neck. "I won. Now you've got to give me what I want.....and you know what I always pick."_

_The song is fast but their movements are slow. As if they have all the time in the world. As if this moment will never end.... and they can stay just like this, in each other's arms, in their own perfect corner of heaven forever._

_The jukebox plays_:

Said you want my love and you've got to have it all.

But first there are some things you need to know.

If you wanna live with all I have to give.

I need to feel true love or it's got to end.

Yeah I don't want you trying to get with me and I end up unhappy.

I don't need the hurt and I don't need the pain!

So before I do, give myself to you, I have to know the truth...if I spend my life with you_! _

__

Her fingers play with his hair. His hands rest on her waist. She leans closer and kisses his neck, then pulls back, with a sexy grin on her lips so that their eyes can meet.

This is their world. Just theirs. Anything they want can happen here.

Its Jason who kisses Carly on the lips. There is only the slightest second when his eyes change and she sees the kiss coming, but its long enough to send butterflies dancing along her ribs.

Even here, he makes me high,_ she thinks, as their tongues tangle and he lifts her up, placing her on the pool table._

_He's always been her everything: her habit she can't break, her cure, her broken heart maker, her broken heart healer. Carly wouldn't want it any other way. Though they have been a mess.....they've been perfect in her eyes....and she'd take a mess with Jason over something clean and easy with any other man. She's built her life around him and she would give him all of her future in an instant...but he's already decided that's more than he can handle._

_Only here is Jason all hers. So here she will stay. Forever._

_Carly is greedy for him, her hands slide under his shirt and she wants to feel every inch of his chest that she can. He pulls away way too quick for her liking, and then reaches into his pocket, producing a quarter. Carly grins, walks over to the jukebox and starts another song. When she looks back, Jason is watching her and holding up a key._

I am milk  
I am red hot kitchen  
and I am cool  
cool as the deep blue ocean

I am lost  
so I am cruel  
But I'd be love and sweetness  
if I had you

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you

__

The room upstairs is the same as her memories, and though they are changed people, not so much has changed that she still doesn't crave the feel of his mouth laying strings of kisses over her stomach and then moving lower, claiming all of her for him....as it should be. He takes her first slowly and then she pushes him on his back and takes what she aches for fast...until both are breathless and she's resting on his chest. Jason runs his hands through her long blonde hair and then over her bare back.

He says "You have to go back."

"Never."

"Carly.....this isn't real, you know that."

"This is everything, Jase! Everything....I'll never let this go."

"You don't have a choice."

She looks up, her light eyes meeting his, "Oh yeah? What if I stay right here? Will you leave me?"

He shakes his head, no.

She smiles.

Jason quickly brings his mouth to hers for one more kiss and then whispers "Our boys, Carly. That's why."

Her whole face crumbles, as her eyes spark with pain. He is breaking all the rules. Only they exist in this room. Its not fair to use anything from real life to make her want to leave their sanctuary. But Jason will use whatever he has to, and Carly knows, in the end, she always listens to him.

Still, she lays back on his chest and doesn't get up right away. "I'm scared, Jase."

"Trust me."

"What if its too late? What if this is .....good bye?"

"It can't be. I won't let it be."

"You came here to save me.....for me? Or for you?"

"For both of us and for our boys. For all of us."

She smiles. Her hand runs over his abs. "Just how often do you work out? Cause wow!"

"Carly!" He laughs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

They hold hands as they walk toward the door of the bar. Jason stops and asks "You ready?"

She shakes her head, no.

He rests his forehands against hers, and then brings his hands up to cup her face. His lips connect with her, infusing her with all the strength she needs to walk out of this place alone. The jukebox seems to be stuck on repeat for the same song still plays:

I am weak  
but I am strong  
I can use my tears to  
bring you home

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you

I am milk  
I am red hot kitchen  
I am cool  
cool as the deep blue ocean

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you

__

He watches her intently, knowing her only chance is to leave him and still he is scared to let her out of his sight. But this place, this fantasy world they both love more than the real one, can't last forever.....her soul is fading away, he can feel it. Jason is desperate to send her back and desperate to keep her here. She always makes him crazy and confused so this ain't nothing new.

"Jason......" She looks over her shoulder right before she steps out of the door. "I'm in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too, Carly." Here he can say anything he wants, here he can have her and love her and be the man she needs. Only here, though, because there he has nearly ruined them beyond repair and he knows it. "Go...please."

She nods and their eyes hold for a long moment. She steps out the door into the light and he sucks in a breath, before closing his eyes and slipping into a dark void....still missing her as he fades away.

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you

I'm aching  
I'm aching for you

I'm waiting  
I'm waiting  
I'm waiting for you.

XXXXXXXXXXX

****

Hours later

Jason slowly comes out of his anaesthesia, his mouth is dry and his head is pounding but all he can think is:

__

Carly. Carly. Carly.......please be okay.

Her name slips off his lips in a whispered plea. "Carly." He tries to reach for a phone but his hands are bandaged. He tries to stand and falls flat onto the ground. A nurse hears the thud and comes running. When she bends down over her patient, she fears he is delirious, because he is repeating, over and over, just one name. "Carly. Carly. Carly."

****

XXXXXXXX

"Jason," is the first word that slips off Carly's lips when she wakes up.

But its not Jason by her side, its her husband Jax who hears the other man's name. Carly opens her eyes and sees who is holding her hand. She tries not to look disappointed. But Jax must see her true reaction anyway because Carly notices him pushing back his feelings of betrayal, he visibly forces himself to brighten for her sake.

__

Sorry, honey. Don't take it personal....no one can be who Jason is to me....but I love that you try so hard anyway.

Carly squeezes Jax's hand. "What happened to me? I feel horrible."

"You were in an explosion. The cannery blew up. You nearly left me behind."

To Jason she would say _I'd never leave you behind._ To Jax she just gives a little half grin, an unspoken promise she'll never keep. "But I'm okay now? Oh God! The baby, Jax! The baby. How's the baby?"

"Shhh. Everything is fine. Just fine."

His words sound soothing but she doesn't believe him. She can't help it. He's not Jason.....and only Jason has the power to set her world right when it feels turned upside down.

XXXXXXXXX

****

Very Late that Night

Every second was torture, from the time Jason woke up, to when he forced the nurse to call Carly's cell phone, to when he finally got a hold of Max and found out she had been hurt, to fighting with the doctors and nurses to release him so he could get on a plane and head back home. They'd unwrapped his hands, ordered physical therapy and before the doctor could even say _Have a nice day, sir_, Jason had turned and ran for the exit.

His hands ache every time he bends his fingers, and he has to wear a protective glove for now, but that doesn't stop Jason from trying to call Carly at General Hospital. He is told she's resting and to try back later.

Once he's back in Port Charles he doesn't go home, but instead heads straight to see her. Odd images dart through his head: they're at Jake's but its not anytime he remembers from the past, and he remembers every second they ever spent there. Its not a fantasy either. Its something else.....but what he couldn't say. And there's no time to figure it out because he has to get to her.

When he gets close to her room at General hospital, his heart clutches as he hears her calling out in anguish.

"Please call for a doctor!" Carly yells. "What are you waiting for? I need help!"

Jason calls out to the nurses station for help and then rushes into the room to see Claudia by Carly's bedside.

Seeing him, Carly holds out her hand. "Oh....oh...my baby, Jase. Something is wrong with our boy."

He grabs her hand. "I'm here. Just breathe....you have to calm down." His eyes jerk over to Claudia "Get out!" The force of his words send her out of the door just as Dr. Kelly comes in.

"I need to examine Carly in private."

"Don't leave me, Jase."

"I won't. I promise."

He's holding her hand as the doctor sets up the ultrasound and when she shakes her head, no, its Jason who feels Carly's wail rising in her chest before it comes out of her mouth. Jax walks into the room and his mouth drops. He doesn't have to ask what happened...for it is perfectly clear...he has lost all he was counting on most, and his wife is crying on the shoulder of another man about it.

Its not fair to Jax, Jason knows that. But he doesn't care how Jax feels. All he cares about his holding Carly until she feels strong again. He's the only one she wants in this moment....the only one who can heal her, and so here he will stay. Fair be damned.

Dr. Kelly says "I'm sorry. I'll give you some time alone."

Jax says "Can I speak to you, doctor, in the hall?"

"Of course."

When they are alone again, Jason whispers into Carly's ear, as she sobs still, "I'm sorry. I should have been with you....when you needed me most."

"You were, Jase."

"No.....Max said you were pulled out of the water by Ric. It should have been me there looking for you. I should have gotten you and Michael out of that building before it ever exploded. You'd.....have your baby still....your boy.....I'm sorry I let you down."

"You came to me when I needed you most....in my dream. We were together....dancing and laughing and happy....at..." Carly chokes back her sob.

"Jake's."

Carly jerks back a little. Her eyes met his. "You had the same dream!"

"I don't know about that....I just keep thinking about us at Jake's....seeing us in my head. But it doesn't matter. That's not important right now. You're what matters.....you've had a shock....lay back and relax. Just let yourself heal."

She settles onto her pillow again, and her tear stained face looks up at him. "I really wanted that boy.....Jax really wanted this baby.....he thought we were having a girl but I knew better.....I didn't want a girl!" She cries and turns her head away.

Jason remembers Carly saying once:

__

I want to have your little girl, Jase. Wouldn't that be adorable? Your blue eyes, my lips....

He leans down and kisses her cheek. "Shhhhh. You didn't cause this....you're the best mother I know. You fight for your kids with all you got. I know you fought for your son....I know you did your best. Don't feel like you let him down...cause you never could."

She looks into his eyes and seems to gain a small measure of comfort from his words. Jason knows this is what he's living for....just to be her hero, even if he can't save the day.

**THE END**

**Note- the title comes from the George Strait song "The Man in Love with You"**


	4. The Ride

The TV Challenge

Prompt Two: _How I Met Your Mother_

**The Ride**

**2029**

She wanted a red drop top convertible for her sixteenth birthday. Instead she got a dusty used motorcycle, a helmet with a dent in it, and a small silver disc.

Melanie waited until she was alone to slide the disc into her player. The image flicked onto the screen and she saw a man that existed for her only through old movies, photos and her mother's endless stories.

"Stone Cold, you may proceed at your leisure," she heard her Uncle Spin say from off screen.

The sound of his voice, twenty years younger, and the silly formal way he used to speak, plus seeing the image of her dad sitting on the couch in the Penthouse, his pool table that was now in their media room in full view behind him, brought tears to Melanie's eyes. Half happy and half sad.

She said "Hi, Dad" to her father.

Her whole life had been spent trying to figure out who Jason Morgan had been. Trying to detangle the legend and the myth from the man. The criminal the cops said he was from the saint her mother spoke about.

Jason cleared his throat. "Happy birthday, baby girl."

Her lips quivered. Baby girl. He always called her that.

Jason looked pale in this video, much more so than the last one she watched. The time stamp said it was more than a month after he made the last message she had gotten from him- the one for her to watch after her first day of high school.

Every time she watched one of his messages she quickly did the math to see how far along her mom was in her pregnancy when Jason made this one. When the first message had been recorded, for Melanie to listen to when she started kindergarten, Carly was five months pregnant.

There were more made during that month: one for when Melanie joined a sports team and they lost their first game, one for the first time some kid made fun of her, one for the whole family to watch during Christmas. They watched that one every year. They had long since stopped crying during it and laughed now at how Uncle Spin had tried to get Jason to wear a Santa hat during the taping and how the Christmas tree in the background tumbled over when Uncle Spin tripped on a cord for the lights when he was rushing to answer the door. Right after they watched the video each year, Carly would take out a box that was taped close. Inside Jason left presents for each of them. It was almost like he was there...almost.

Though the presents were always great to get Melanie would have taken a simple kiss on the cheek from her Dad over any heart shaped locket or diamond tennis bracelet.

"Sixteen, huh?" Jason asked with a small smile.

She sniffled at how frail he looked, so much weaker than he had in the earlier videos. Looking at the date at the bottom of the screen she knew that it was just a few weeks before she was born and less than a month before Jason died when he made this message to her.

Their lives had barely overlapped at all.

There existed just one recording of him holding her, as he lay in bed and she rested on his bare chest. Though they had spent more than that single moment together, for Melanie, it felt like that was the full sum of her time with her Dad, those few minutes when her head rested against his heart, when he was dying and she was just starting to live.

"I guess..." Jason said "you'll probably want to start dating soon."

She smiled slightly, as she thought about the fact that she had been seeing Garret Hunter for the last three months, all behind her mom's back.

Jason went on "And drive. I left you my motorcycle but I don't want you on it until you take a class and then you only go out riding with your brothers for the first few times..." On their sixteen birthdays Michael and Morgan had both gotten motorcycles from Jason, delivered by Milo Giambetti both times. Even though it was dangerous as hell to ride, Jason had left a letter to each of them telling that if they were going to take the risk then he wanted them to do it right way, after taking a class and with a safe bike and helmet. Not doing it on the sly behind their mother's back. "I could tell you to not ever get on a bike but, if you are anything like your mom, you'll do what you want anyway. Just be careful." He paused, took in a few shaky breaths, and added "That's how I always cleared my head...riding."

Melanie had expected to get a brand new bike herself for this birthday- even though she wanted a just off the showroom floor convertible instead- but she ended up with her father's old bike. Somehow it made not getting a sports car suddenly seem like no big deal. The bike she now owned was the same one her parents had ridden on together. It was in mint condition, unlike the old leather coat her mom still wore around sometimes. That was falling to pieces but Carly couldn't let it go. She swore it still smelled like Jason. Though Melanie didn't think that was possible.

But her mom said a lot of things about Mel's dad that seemed impossible- like that he saved her life over and over through the years even after he was long dead. When Carly was in a car wreck, Jason had saved her from dying, in her mind at least, by pulling her out of the car. The police told her that she drug herself out but she swore that she couldn't remember doing that. It had to have been Jason, Carly insisted.

When she was mugged and the guy had a heart attack half way through, even though he was in his twenties only, it wasn't that he had a weak ticker, it was that Jason had punched him in the chest. Mel just rolled her eyes when she heard that kind of stuff but in the back of her mind she wondered if it was true. Was it her Dad that pulled her out of the freezing cold water when she was seven years old and fell through the pond that she wasn't supposed to be on. She had been sure she didn't have the strength to climb out alone but somehow she pulled it off, just before she lost consciousness and would have slipped to the icy depths below.

She focused on the tape again as her father said "I'm not sure what to tell you about the other thing...dating....Michael has a girlfriend now and it drives your mom crazy."

Suddenly a full blown smile creased Melanie's lips, one that mirrored exactly her mother and Aunt Lulu's trademark devilish grins. Mel chuckled softly as she thought that whatever Michael and Tina, who had been his wife for eight years now, used to do back in the day couldn't compare to the stuff she did on the down low now.

Jason went on "So don't you pull the same stuff on her. No sneaking out after curfew when you are supposed to be in bed. No lying about who you will be with when she lets you go out on weekends. No getting your brothers and your best friend to cover for you. And don't even think about trying to..." Jason starting coughing.

"Stone Cold, here, a drink from the...Gods." The way Spin said the last word was choked, as if he realized too late that it wasn't the best turn of phrase in that particular situation.

After Jason took a drink, he said "Trying to steal a yatch for a late night party. But if you do all that anyway, baby girl, then expect to get caught every time cause your Mom...Carly...she pulled every stunt you can even think about and she'll see your moves coming from a mile away."

Melanie raised her hand and grasped the locket that hung around her neck, absently fingering it. Inside were pictures of her parents taken around the first summer they met.

Jason told his daughter "I want you to have fun. You're in high school now and I know that you want your freedom already. You want to make your own rules. But remember that all the rules your Mom gives you...they are for your own sake. So don't give her a hard time...too much, okay? And remember...that boy...guy...you fall for...he's just one guy and if he hurts you....you will recover. I won't lie to you though....I won't say that he probably is not gonna turn out to be someone really important to your life because that could be a lie. And I have never lied to you......and I never will. I don't know if the first guy you date or the second or the third will be the guy who....changes everything....I just know that it can happen out of no where and you don't realize it until later." For a long moment he was silent, as he blinked back tears. "When I met Carly...your mom...all I wanted was to be on my own. Do my own thing. Make my own rules. Not owe anyone anything. But it didn't stay that way for long. I know I've told you....all about...how I helped your mom take care of your brother when he was a baby...and I'm sure you've heard a lot of stories about all the times your mom and I were there for each other from her..and somebody could have told you by now that your mom somehow tricked me or trapped me or something...don't believe it. She didn't. She couldn't. That's the thing, baby girl. When you meet that person who is gonna be your best friend and gonna be the one you fall in love with and gonna be the game changer in your world....you don't feel trapped and you don't stay with them through the worst out of....obligation..."

Melanie sniffled.

Jason went on, speaking slowly and deliberately, "You want to be with them, by their side, more than you want to be loyal to anyone else. I wanted to always be there when your Mom and later when your brothers needed me....and I want to be there for you....but the only way I can be is through this. I want to tell you all you need to know but I can't. Its something you got to figure out on your own...but just know.....when you meet him...and you feel crazy...that's normal...and when it hurts so bad that you want to die or kill him...that's how its supposed to feel....and when you lie for him and break the law and break your promises to everyone else in the world....don't feel too bad. Because I did all that for your Mom and she did all that for me.....and that's love, baby girl."

Melanie swiped away her tears.

Jason said "I hope you had a good birthday and that your mom isn't too pissed off about the motorcycle. If she somehow came up with a plan so that you didn't get it...don't blame her...she's just scared of losing you. You can buy a bike...if you want...when you're eighteen but just remember to always wear a helmet and don't take the curves too fast or go out in the rain...." after a very long pause "and remember....." Jason's voice broke "your Dad loves you."

The tape ended. Mel flipped off the TV, lifted her bedroom window, and climbed down the nearby tree. She could have went out the front door but that would mean going past her mom and her emotions were too raw to deal with anyone in that moment. Besides the tree had always been her way in and out of the house, and the way her friends came and went from her room.

With the key in her hand she walked over to the bike and started it up. It roared to life, even though it had been sitting for years. She wondered if it was safe to ride or needed a tune up and some work to get it going again. Ignoring her father's words about making sure she took a class and riding with her brothers for the first few months, Melanie climbed onto the bike. She had been on the back of motorcycles for years already. How hard could it be to drive one?

She didn't have her license yet but figured one quick spin around the block wouldn't get her in too much trouble.

Her mom came out onto the porch just as Melanie slid on the helmet. Carly called out "Don't even think about-"

Mel revved the engine and took off down the driveway, nearly wiping out when she turned onto the street. She smiled as her blonde hair whipped in the breeze behind her.

A block later she heard the police siren behind her. She hadn't made it far. But it had been one hell of a ride all the same.

**THE END**


	5. End Game

**End Game**

**December 1, 2009**

"It is my duty as your legal counsel," Diane said "to remind you that once you sign these documents you can not later change your mind or amend this deal in any way."

Jason nodded.

There was no expression on his face or in his eyes but a sick feeling swirled in his gut. He knew what he had to do, and he would do. Right. Wrong. He was going to Hell already so what did it really matter?

He would do it. Because he had to.

But there would be a cost. There was always a cost to pay. Jason Morgan had learned that lesson the hard way, one early morning when he walked in on his best friend and the woman he gave his life over to, whether she knew that or not, and realized that every choice he ever made had led him right to that place in time. His mistakes all caught up with him that day. Just like now.

His choices between that day and this one led him to the point where he was signing over most of his properties and business in Port Charles, even though he knew what he was doing to the man he gave the business to. Even though he knew it was only setting him up for a life where he couldn't have a woman by his side- without knowing that one day she would bleed because of the lifestyle he lived- and he couldn't have children, and he couldn't have a moment where he wasn't watching his back. Knowing that he was setting up this man for death or prison, most likely. Cause most people who get in the mob never get a chance to get out later.

But that is exactly what Jason will do. He's walking out on the mob. Banking his life on living under someone else's protection. It was do this or give up everything, and everyone else. The choice was easy. Knowing the fall he was setting Johnny Zacchara up for was not.

Quickly, Jason signed all the paperwork- a formality. The real transfer of power was done in the back rooms of a warehouse, behind locked and heavily guarded doors, when Jason turned over his men to the care of their new boss. That had happened the night before.

He pushed the paperwork toward Johnny. The younger man's eyes were cold, detached, changed from the boy whose blood pumped hot, the kid who thought he could escape his legacy. Already Johnny was getting used to wielding his power, getting caught up in the thrill of being the one who called all the shots, who had the manpower to wreck havoc, to get the revenge he so desperately sought for Lulu's murder. It was clear to Jason that now Johnny's main purpose in life was to make sure the world knew that they could never take another person from him and get away with it again.

Once Johnny had run from the mob, now he was ready to run it.

Jason stood up, shook Johnny's hand and said "Good luck."

With a sneer on his lips, Johnny told him "You should tell that to the other four families cause if anyone crosses me..." a full smile curved over his lips. "You enjoy retirement, Morgan. You earned it."

_Mobsters don't get to retire, _that was what Sonny always told him.

But that, like so much else, was a lie to keep Jason right where Sonny wanted him because the day Sonny wanted out, he got out. More than once Sonny had left the mob behind. Somehow Jason thought, during each of those periods, it was his job to keep it all together- for Carly and the kids, for the men, for his sister and his mother and, later, for Jake. For everyone Jason had promised to protect. Now he was officially out of the business of cleaning up Sonny's messes. The territory was gone.

Right. Wrong. It was over.

As Johnny and his attorney left, Diane said "Well, he's a terrifying young sociopath in the making, isn't he?"

Jason rubbed his hand's over his face. Most people would say that Anthony made Johnny what he was, but for the rest of his life, Jason would carry his part in what Johnny turned into.

Jason hadn't saved Lulu. Just like, years before, he couldn't save Emily, couldn't keep the people he loved from being kidnaped, terrorized, shot in the back, shot in the head, strangled. He failed them and that led to this day.

This day was the start of Jason not failing his family anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

November 23rd, 2009

"_He wants to see you, Jase."_

"_Carly...." It was killing him not to see Michael. She knew that. But it was the way it had to be. _

"_What? Stop? You know that is not gonna happen." Touching the sleeve of his leather jacket, she said "No one would have to know. You could sneak into his rehab center in the middle of the night."_

_The pleading look in her eyes twisted his heart. _

_Damn it. He wanted to go and see their boy. More than that, he needed to see with his own eyes that Michael was awake, talking, learning to walk again, to tie his shoes and read and fighting to take back all he lost. But as long as Jason was in charge of the business everywhere he went he was a target, and that target on his back he would not bring into the same room as their boy. Never again._

"_You know..." Jason told Carly 'you know there are gaurds and cameras and staff..."_

"_Who you can bribe! Come on, don't be this way."_

"_It only takes one wrong person finding out I'm there and deciding to use that moment of weakness....when they know my head is not where it should be....to try and take me out and that's it, Carly. Bullets will be flying at Michael again. We....I can't risk that. I won't."_

_Her lips formed into a pout but her eyes softened, and he knew she was giving up the fight. Letting out a sigh, he motioned toward his couch and they both sat down. Jason said "I'm sorry-"_

_Quickly the words fell from her lips that would absolve him, like they always did. "Its all right. I understand."_

"_No, its not all right. Nothing about this is all right. Michael is asking for me and I should be there!" He slammed his hand down on the edge of the couch._

_A long moment passed before Carly said "You could give the business back to Sonny."_

"_I don't trust him."_

"_So....what? This is it then? This is our life from now on? I have to go to Michael and tell him...what? You will never be in the same room with him again?"_

_Jason turned his head away from Carly. His eyes focused on the mantel. There was a picture of their boy. Jason never spent a lot of time looking back, doing that was just a way to torture a man, to be stuck on what had happened instead of focused on what was happening in the present moment. But there was one time in his life that he did look back on often, and that was the time when he took care of Michael when he was a baby. It was a time that transformed all Jason knew about love and life and choices. All he knew about himself and family. During that time he had promised Michael "I will give you a good life."_

_But he hadn't given him a good life. He hadn't given him very much at all. He gave him away and then worked over time to make Michael's life okay from a distance. It never worked though. Michael's childhood was a series of tragedies strung together with periods of chaos in Sonny and Carly's marriage and the ever present fear that some mob family would take them all out. His childhood had been nothing but a mess so far._

_There were only four years left before Michael would be an adult._

_In that moment, Jason knew, more than every before, that this was his very last opportunity to say yes to Carly instead of no. This would be the moment he could save their family....or give them away for the final time. Jax could offer her safety, a security Jason wanted Carly and the boys to have more than he wanted his own happiness._

_Still caught it his own thoughts, Jason's eyes were locked on Michael's photo, when Carly reached over and firmly placed her finger on his jaw, forcing his attention back to her. _

_Her eyes searched his and soon hers were filling with tears as she saw his resignation shining back at her. With her voice cracking, Carly said "We can find a way for you to see him. I know we can figure...." her voice was so thick with emotion that her words died out, as she released a shuddering breath._

_She rested her forehead against his. _

_All Jason could think to say was I'm sorry but the words stayed off his lips because sorry wasn't enough anymore. He had let her down so many times but this one hurt even deeper because it was letting down their boy too. _

_Before Jason even had a plan for how he could leave behind the mob, and some of the danger, if not all of it, he found himself promising her "I'll make this right."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**December 1, 2009**

The second Jason stepped onto Carly's porch the guilt that sat on his chest for the last week evaporated.

Maybe that meant that deep down he was a cold hearted bastard who could put aside what he had done, not more than twenty minutes before, and what he knew Johnny would one day regret, and only think about her and their boys. Maybe it only meant that Carly was that powerful in his life. Able to erase the pain, the thoughts that filled up his head, and the regrets he had piled up on his soul.

Jason didn't waste time trying to figure it all. All that mattered was seeing her now. A quick knock on her door and then it was pulled open by her.

"Hey, I didn't know you were stopping by," Carly said "Morgan's upstairs...."

"Its okay."

With a raised eyebrow she moved aside and let him in. "So what's going on? Its serious, isn't it?" She closed the door and walked over to him.

For the first time in a very long time he looked at her and didn't see what he could not have, he saw the woman he wanted to make his again. "I need to talk to you."

"Is everything okay, Jase?"

"Yeah...yeah..." He let out a long breath to calm his nerves. "I thought about telling you this before but-"

"I thought you promised to not keep any secrets from me?"

"I know I did. You're right. And I'm sorry. But I had to figure this out on my own."

"Figure what out?"

"A way to see Michael again. There is only one way that can happen, you know that as long as I'm running the business then its too dangerous..."

"You gave it all back to Sonny?"

"To Johnny Zacchara. I went to him with a deal. He was more than happy to take over."

Carly's eyes widened. "To get revenge for Lulu?"

"Probably."

"So...wait...that means...what? You work for Johnny now?"

"No. I don't work for anyone anymore. Johnny has promised to strike back against any family that comes after me or anyone under my protection, and we'll still all have to have gaurds, but....I'm not in the mob anymore."

He searched her eyes, trying to see if she knew what this meant for them, if she wanted this to mean anything more than him being able to be around the boys again, if she wanted him still.

A slow smile curved her lips and then her arms were wrapped around his neck. She whispered into his ear "Thank you."

He pulled back and stepped away from her. "Don't thank me...please. I'm part of the reason so much went wrong...that Michael didn't get the childhood he should have, that you didn't get the family...you wanted."

She glossed over his mistakes and focused on the positive, her voice was filled with awe when she said "You walked away from the business for Michael. I knew you would find a way to see him. I just knew you'd figure it out."

Carly gently slapped Jason's arm and smiled widely at him. Then she grabbed his hand. "Lets go."

He couldn't help but have a small smile form on his lips.

She called out, as she tugged Jason toward the door, "Morgan! Come on. We're going to see your brother...." looking over her shoulder at Jason, Carly added "as a family."

When Morgan came down the stairs, the look in his eye when he saw that it was Jason there and not his ex-stepfather Jax was one filled with hero worship and joy. It had been months since Morgan last saw Jason. Within seconds the young boy was down the stairs and in Jason's arms.

And slowly, but surely, Jason began to take back his life. The only life that ever really made him happy, with the only woman that he would give up everything else for just the chance to keep her by his side.

In the end, Jason might have nearly wrecked all of their lives but as long as Carly was around, there was still time for them to save their lives, their futures and their family. It might not happen overnight but his boy had woken up, and that meant that everything Jason thought was lost forever, for him and Carly, was not really lost at all.

There was still chances left to take with her, and he planned to play them out, whatever the cost, because his life made no sense when he pushed her away....but it made perfect sense when he pulled her close and she forgave him everything. This time he would do right by her, so she wouldn't have to give more forgiveness, and their boys would finally see what a real family looked like, and know what real love could do.

"_I will give you a good life_," Jason had promised Michael.

"_I would do anything for you,_" Jason once told Carly.

And, finally, he was about to make good on his word.

THE END


	6. Morgan Family Plan

Canon until December 2009.

Revised history**: Carly and Jax got a divorce and never conceived their second baby together.**

**Sonny never married Claudia. Instead he married Alexis.**

**The Morgan Family Plan**

**June 2009**

He woke up angry. He hated the world and he hated himself. He hated his frail body and his confused mind. Hated all the time he missed.

But there was one thing Michael Corinthos the third loved about how his life was after the coma versus how it was before. His Mom looked happy. So happy. And she looked at Jason with something that wasn't there before...yet it was familiar.

It was the only good thing in the whole messed up world, if you asked Michael. And so he huddled up with his sister, his little brother (no help at all, really, but the kid hated to be left out of anything), his cousin Lulu, his Uncle Lucas, Spinelli and Maxie, and they tried to think up a scheme.

Every idea seemed to not be good enough to work.

Lock them in a room together? Jason would shoot his way out. Set them up on a blind date where they didn't know they'd be going with each other? They had plenty of dinners together in the last ten years. That wouldn't make them confess they loved each other still.

They kept going on and on with ideas. Handcuff them together. Write some kind of love letter and don't sign it, making them think it was from the other one. Get Diane to tell them they had to get married for legal reasons so they couldn't testify against each other.

Maxie sighed at their nutty ideas. "All they really need together is time! But Jason is always running off to ki-"

"Shut up!" Lulu told her, as she nodded at Morgan.

"Oh, right. He's always running off to kick box, I was going to say. How can they hook up when he finds one excuse after another to run away from her? Hmm? I don't even know why anyone would put up with his sh...stuff."

"Maximista, it is not for you or I to judge why two people feel an undeniable pull toward each other."

"Listen," Michael said "I'm stuck in this hospital bed like a prisoner and I just want one thing. Just one thing! I want them to know they have each other. I'm not the only one who sees it, right? They want to date, don't you guys think so too?"

Kristina rolled her eyes. "I think its disgusting. Old people in love." She screwed up her face. "I can't even look at them."

Lucas let out a frustrated breath. "I don't think its none of our business. Really. Jason hates when people manipulate his life. He's always telling Carly that."

"What's ma..nipples....late?" asked Morgan.

"Don't worry about it, Mor. Come on," Lucas said "lets go get some burgers and fries down in the cafeteria. You all need to give this up. They'll figure it out themselves."

Morgan said "I don't want to get dinner. I want to help Mama be happy!"

Michael smirked at his Uncle. "See, man? You're out numbered. Now, come on, between all of us there has got to be something we can come up with that will work. Some way they have to fess up to what they're feeling. Do you want Jax to wise up and try and get back with Mom? Because I don't. I lost a year of my life and I don't want to go home to live with anyone but my family....my whole family. I want to see Dad at his place...happy finally with Alexis...and I want Mom happy too. Don't bail on me, Uncle Lucas."

"Okay," Lucas said with a dramatic, Spencer style, sigh. "You want an idea? Take a family vacation to Florida. There's your idea. Now I'm going to get some food. Who's coming with?"

Soon Michael's room was cleared out. He sat there with a devilish smile on his lips. Florida. There was no way that Jason or his Mom would tell him no.

Not when he was just awake from a coma. He could get whatever he wanted these days. And he would.

He'd get his family back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

July 2009

"Hey," Jason said, as he said down in a patio chair next to Carly. "The kids crashed already."

"It was all that swimming that tired them out. You don't think Michael pushed himself too hard today, do you? Should we not let him go in the pool tomorrow, Jase?"

"Not without one of us with him. If we're there, its fine. He's getting stronger every day."

Over the last six months they had fallen into a pattern of co-parenting, along with Sonny and Alexis, and it was making a better family for all their kids. It also was easing a lot of long held pain and guilt in both Jason and Carly. They hadn't raised their boys the way they wanted to.

But now they finally could.

All the talk of parenting though masked other things both wanted to talk about. Like how this was the first time they were both single at the same time in over a decade. And how right it felt to share family dinners, and movie nights, and decorate Michael's room together, and both go to Morgan's parent/teacher night. Carly told Jason flat out she couldn't raise these kids alone. And Sonny was not the one she wanted to lean on.

Sonny had his house. Carly had hers. And she needed back-up at her place. She needed Jason. He stepped up, just like she knew he would, because that it what he really wanted most. To be needed in that way again.

Jason settled into his seat, next to her, and stared up at the night sky. Carly let her eyes linger on him. He looked so damn good these days.

Gone was all the worry and grief that was etched into his features for several years there.

She couldn't believe how much better looking he became as each year passed. She still tingled when she looked at him. When she thought about him wrapping his arm around her waist and tugging her against him. Their bodies pressed tight...his breath on her lips....finally letting go of his fear enough to mold his lips to hers another time.

Taking back his family. Giving her back the love she deserved.

Yeah, she tingled from head-to-toe when she thought like that. But she was too old to get lost in fairytales anymore so she pushed those kind of thoughts from her mind every time they crept in.

Carly knew she needed to start dating again but every time she even considered spending the evening with a new guy she decided that she'd rather spend that evening with Jason.

She said "He's so much more emotional since he woke up."

"Yeah."

"Maybe its because he knows how short life can be."

"It could just be his condition. It could change in time."

"You're right. But for now we have to deal with how he is....he wants what he wants, Jase. And he's like a bulldog till he gets it."

"Reminds me of someone I know."

"Yeah but my stubbornness is not a problem for me. You have to deal with me when I get stuck on an idea and won't let it go. _We _both have to deal with him. And I don't know that I can take all these changes. He wants to drive!" She smiled. "He wants to date. Our kid wants to hook up with girls. God! I don't know if I can handle it. Really."

"You can handle it."

"I'm glad you're so calm. You teach him to drive. And you have the sex talk with him."

An eyebrow raised. Jason gave her a long look.

Carly said "I gave the talk to Emily. Its your turn."

"Fine," he said, in a miserable tone. "I'll figure it out."

Carly laughed. She quickly stood up and sat on his lap, wearing a huge smile. She draped one arm around his neck. "This is gonna be great vacation. I wonder why Michael was so set on Florida?"

"I don't know. I always thought he liked the island better. But as long as he's happy."

"I'm just glad he wants to be around us. I know when we get home he's gonna run off with his friends and forget we exist. I don't know that I'm ready for that."

"He'll always need you, Carly."

"He's almost grown up. Where did our little boy go? Where did his childhood go?"

Jason stared into her eyes, as the moment grew emotional, and then he let out a ragged breath. "He's awake. Focus on the future."

Carly nodded, slightly. "You're right." She smiled brightly as she smacked his arm. "I'm so excited to know that this Christmas we can all be together like we should have been last year! You know that Michael loves Christmas. Its his favorite time of the year. And then it will be his birthday and then the New Year. We should really go all out this year. Something memorable. Maybe I will even talk Alexis into a giant whole family vacation. We could go the week between Christmas and New Year. Though how I would stand her for a week out-of-town, I don't know. I think her PDA has its own PDA to keep track of what the first one is doing. So stressful! I bet she's never laid on a beach for one whole hour in her life. But whatever. She's keeping Sonny sane and off my ass. And that is more than Kate ever did....so would you be up for another family vacation?"

"We should wait and see how its going then, okay? See if Michael adjusted. What Sonny and Alexis say about it."

Her face fell. "Sure." Carly stood up. "Well, I should get in to bed. Lock all the doors and set the alarm, okay?"

"Yeah." He said it in a way that told her: _Of course I'm gonna do that. I'm not letting anything happen to this family._

Jason stood up and hugged Carly. She held on for a long minute. "Thank you for coming with us, Jase."

"Michael wanted it this way."

"Right," Carly whispered, with a quiet resignation in her voice.

She let go of him and headed into the house. Just as she was pulling open the sliding door Jason called out her name. She looked back and their eyes met.

He said "And I wanted it this way too."

Her eyes lit up.


	7. Morgan Family Plan, Part Two

_Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I love to write Jarly. Its been hard since Carly got pregnant on GH but I'm trying to not let that stop me_.

**The Morgan Family Plan**

**Part Two **

**July 2009**

Their feet hit the sand in a rhythm that sunk deep down into Jason's soul.

Not three months back he never would have believed he could be running on a Florida beach with Michael. He hadn't allowed himself to hope as deeply as Carly did that Michael would recover. He couldn't set himself up for that kind of fall. He had to stay rational- for her- and reasonable and modest in his dreams.

But that was then and this was now.

Now this boy he held as a baby and heard call him "Dada," was jogging next to him. And they looked like two versions of the same man. Now that Michael had matured there were so many similar facial features that he shared with Jason. A certain slope of his cheeks and jaw that made the family resemblance undeniable.

Though loving Michael had never been about the blood coursing through his veins- his DNA profile- and always about loving his mother and giving her peace of mind that her child belonged to not just her but to a man who would die for him. Loving Michael was all about loving someone more than Jason loved himself. Loving someone unconditionally. All about raising this boy -with Carly- to be a good man.

Still now that Michael was starting to look more and more like Jason there were moments when Jason would catch a glimpse of him and see who Jason used to be.

Picture himself looking in a mirror at twenty one. Back when whatever scheme Carly was hatching used to send fear into his heart. Back when he was trying so hard to not tell her she meant the whole damn world to him. Back when he believed he had time to figure it all out with her. That she would always be waiting for him.

And she did wait. But he gave up on her anyway.

Carly was better than Jason in that way. She never gave up on Michael. She didn't give up on her dream of having a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes- not that she would complain if her baby had her mom's red hair or if her daughter ended up with Alan's dark eyes. She just wanted a little girl with Jason. She never said she could let that dream go. Even when she was thinking of having babies with Jax. Even after she heard about Jake. For Carly there was just what she knew and what she didn't. She knew that her and Jason should be together and have their family.

For Jason there was just what he feared and what he didn't. Just reality. Not dreams.

All he feared came to pass in the last few years. He lost another son. He married Carly off to someone she really could have loved forever- Jax. And he watched their boy lay in a coma from a screwed up mob hit gone wrong.

He lost it all. He got wrecked.

And now he was running on a beach in Florida in the early morning sunlight with Michael. It felt good. Right. It felt like the way life should be.

Jason wanted to find a way to keep this feeling. To keep the wholeness he had found in the last six months when he was helping Carly raise their boys. To keep the smile on her face. To keep this family safe and together.

What could matter more than that? Nothing. This was his family and it was about damn time he took care of them right.

"Need a rest?" he asked Michael

"Never," Michael replied, his tone cocky.

There was so much Carly in this child. And traces of AJ too. But there was Jason in him. Sonny in him. His grandma Bobbie and his grandpa Mike. Emily. Leticia. Alexis and Jax even. There was love in Michael from all the adults who tried to do right by him...even if they did it all wrong sometimes.

He was a beautiful boy.

Jason could hardly believe that their boy was back. It left him stunned. He hadn't felt this feeling...this hope...since he was on a plane taking Michael to South America, trying to salvage their little family unit in one last desperate attempt. Now the feeling was flooding back.

And it was taking Jason over.

Michael broke off from their straight line of jogging and ran right into the ocean. Jason shook his head at his boy's antics but dove in after him. He kept a close eye on Michael....he could not let a wave sweep him away. He couldn't lose him.

A laugh cut through the air. Michael's laugh. He said "Won't be long till I can beat you in a swimming race. I'm getting stronger every day and you're getting..."

"Hey!"

"Grayer."

"Hey!" Jason laughed. He felt like laughing until he cried.

"God, I love it here! I forgot how cool Florida is."

"Then why did you pick here to come?"

"Huh?"

"You just said you forgot you liked it here."

"Yeah, well, its Florida. In summer." Michael motioned to the beach, with all the nearly naked girls. "Do I gotta say more?"

"Your Dad wants to take you and Morgan to the island with Alexis and the girls next month. Right before you head back to school."

Responding to the tone in Jason's voice, Michael said "And you don't want him to? Why? I can handle myself!"

"You're getting stronger every day."

"So don't baby me! MAN! I thought you were different, Jason." Michael headed back to the beach.

Jason clamped a hand on his shoulder, when they were in waist deep water. "I trust you. I just can't stand....to think...about anything happening to you. Your Mom can't handle losing you."

Michael was tense under his hold. He was facing away from Jason.

Jason went on "You're gonna get to drive soon and no one will be able to keep an eye on you twenty four seven so I need you to promise me....that you'll think first every time. No excuses, Michael."

"I won't mess up."

"If you do, you can come to me. But you got to do your best to follow the rules your parents give you." After saying that, Jason wrapped his arm around Michael's chest and drug him down into the water.

Michael's laugh rang out in the air. "Hey!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carly walked out of the bathroom, after taking a shower, and passed Morgan's bedroom in their rental house. She heard him talking to someone so she stopped to listen. She knew that Jason and Michael were down on the nearby beach.

"De..notion?" Morgan giggled "I don't know what denotion is, Mr. Jackal....devotion.....oh, I don't know." More giggles. "Maybe! Ask Michael!" More giggles. "NO! YUCK!" More giggles. "No, never. I don't like girls like that. Not me. I like karate. That takes up all my time." More giggles.

Smiling she headed to the kitchen. Either Spinelli called to check on them- highly unlikely cause it was seven in the morning- or Morgan called him. Once Morgan was awake he felt the whole world must be too. Carly tried to teach him that people liked to sleep in sometimes but he was full of life and energy. The clock meant nothing to him. He woke up early and went hard each day. Then he fell into a deep, dream filled sleep, that she prayed was without worry or stress.

Morgan was crazy about Spinelli so he must have called him. Carly opened the fridge and took out a container from the local cafe around the corner. She noticed it when they drove in the day before. Surprised to see there was food from there in her fridge she looked inside the Styrofoam container and found French toast.

Jason must have figured it was better to get her some food then come home to a smoky kitchen.

She started coffee, stuck the French toast in the microwave, looked in the fridge for syrup and found that he bought a bottle. She pulled out the syrup and butter. Well she was waiting for the coffee to brew she went into the living room and fired up her lap top, in order to check her e-mails.

One from her Mom. One from Olivia. One from Marty. Max forwarded some jokes. And then...hmmm...Lulu, Maxie, Lucas. They all wanted to know if the trip was going good. It was unusual for them to be so concerned about a family vacation Carly was on. Was it just because everyone was worried about Michael these days? Or were they all picking up on the vibes flowing between her and Jason?

Would they care about that? No one was as nosy as her but still people loved good gossip.

There were moments now when she looked at Jason and swore he was about to kiss her. But the moment always passed and she felt like a fool for thinking it was anything more than friendship he was willing to offer her.

She loved him. She loved his friendship and she loved him as a man. She wanted him in her bed. She wanted their family to stay this perfect forever. She wanted the life they let slip away when Michael was a toddler.

Carly wanted Jason. But that was nothing new.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carly was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper, when Jason and Michael came through the back door. Michael was carrying his t-shirt. She bit back the urge to ask him if he put on sunscreen or not. Jason could handle it. Besides Michael did not want to be micro managed and she couldn't blame him.

When she was his age all she wanted was to run around with guys who were-in some way or another- bad for her, miss curfew, ditch classes with Charlotte, and hang out on the boardwalk all weekend. The last thing she wanted was Virginia all up in her business.

Of course Carly would have to stay up in Michael's business. She would just have to do it stealthily. "Morning."

"Hey, Mom. I'm gonna go grab a shower."

"Morgan already had cereal but there's some French toast left if you're hungry. And bacon. That kind you just microwave."

"We had breakfast burritos already. But thanks anyway," Michael said, as he stole a piece of bacon off his Mom's plate and then headed upstairs.

Jason walked over and brushed a kiss on Carly's forehead. "He's all right. He might be a little tired but he didn't overdue it."

"Okay."

Instead of heading to change right away, Jason sat down next to her at the table.

Carly said "You're lucky he lets you do anything with him at all. I'm just The Mom. Enemy Number One. Even Sonny is all cool in his eyes and Alexis....ugh. He's like her biggest fan! Why? Tell me why, Jase? Cause she's one of those lethal, loony Cassadines? What the hell? Did Spinelli make up some kind of video game where they are the stars? Is it cool to be a Cassadine now? Cause I know she has nothing on me in any other way."

"She's not his Mom. Its easier for him to just see her as a person. Not as part of him."

"I should automatically rank higher than her, since I'm his Mom. Like you just said, I'm part of him and he's part of me."

"And that makes it complicated. Think about Monica...Bobbie...John...Alan."

She screwed up her face. "I hate when you're right. And you're always right."

"Not always."

He hadn't been right when he gave Carly up. That had been all wrong. But maybe he could find a way to do it right this time. Maybe he could beg her forgiveness and ask for her love....and maybe...just maybe...Jason would not lose this woman that he couldn't bear to lose for a second time in his life.

Because now she felt like all his again. And if she dated someone else, slept with someone else, married someone else, Jason would be right back at the same broken, torn apart, place he was years ago. Missing the other half of his heart.

Wondering how his heart was still beating when she wasn't his anymore.


	8. Morgan Family Plan, Final Part

Canon until December 2009.

**Revised history: **Carly and Jax got a divorce and never conceived their second baby together. Sonny never married Claudia. Instead he married Alexis.

**The Morgan Family Plan**

**Part Three**

**July 2009**

Jason got hip to the boys plan after Michael made reservations for them at a restaurant that had soft candle lit tables, a piano player and a small dance floor. At first he didn't even get why Michael had made them dinner plans but he was expecting to end up somewhere sports related and loud with video arcade games.

Then Michael said it was fancy and they needed to take a guy's trip to buy suits. Jason could not stand suits for anything but he grabbed up Morgan and they went.

Carly was gossiping on the phone with Olivia and seemed oblivious to the drama her kid's were cooking up. She knew Jason had them and that was all she needed to know in order to relax.

At that point when they went shopping, Jason was thinking that maybe this restaurant was owned by a famous chef off TV. Carly did love to watch cooking shows. Then try the recipes. Then smoke up her house and get teary at why she couldn't make them work.

Maybe Michael got hooked on one of those shows too. When Jason asked what was the deal with this restaurant- as they were in the men's boutique with a giggling, secret-keeping Morgan in tow- Michael had shrugged and answered "I heard its cool."

The minute they all walked in, the jig was up. Carly raised an eyebrow. Jason stopped in his tracks. Michael walked over to the maitre' d and said "Morgan family. Party of four."

Carly told Jason "Nice, huh?"

He gave her one look and it all clicked into place for her. They stood there, with the air growing thicker and thicker around them, barely able to swallow as they stared at each other. It would be sweet, what the boys did, it if wasn't so damn sad.

How had Jason let it get to this point?

Carly blinked back tears. He could see her wheels turning. She was already making a speech to tell the boys about why her and Jason would never be together again.

It tore at Jason's heart. He knew she loved him and wanted him. He had doubts sometimes in the past- when she was married to Sonny- but they were fleeting doubts. Mostly he had always known Carly loved him to the depths of her soul.

She loved him so much he knew it had to be unhealthy for her and them. Dangerous. At least that is how he felt in his twenties. Like she was trying to destroy him by making him need her so much. Like she was too powerful in his world.

But he wasn't young like that anymore. He knew her love did not destroy. It healed. His own boys saw that Carly had made Jason happy these last few months and they wanted that to continue.

Michael wanted his family back and he thought he had to scheme to get it. That made Jason feel like a failure. His boy should know that Jason wanted this family too. That Jason did not need to be talked into loving Carly and wanting a home with her. He loved her already. He wanted their home. It was a place he wanted to end up for a long time.

He just used to tell himself he couldn't ever get back there. Now he knew better. He was just about back. He just needed to beg her to open the door for him.

The maitre' d led them to a table. Michael was quiet. Carly was pensive. Jason was emotional but looked stoic. Morgan was giggling again. He said "Mama sit by Uncle Jason."

Carly slid into her seat.

They all settled into their chairs and looked at the menu. Jason wanted to pull Michael aside and really have a heart-to-heart with him but it wouldn't be fair to do till he spoke with Carly first. He couldn't make Michael anymore promises he had to break later.

After they ordered there was some commotion under the table, as Michael nudged Morgan's leg and then Morgan said "Mama should dance with Uncle Jason!"

Carly told him "Your Uncle Jason does not like to dance."

Jason stood up. "That's a good idea, buddy."

Morgan smiled and looked at Michael. Michael gave him a stern look that said: Don't blow it!

Jason almost laughed at that. Michael's plan were slightly less obvious than his mother's but not by much. Even though Jason's heart was in his throat over this whole situation, he still was amazed that his boys did this for him.

He should never had made them go to this extreme though.

With his hand on Carly's back, he led her to the dance floor, after she told the boys that under no circumstances could they leave the table. Once Carly was in his arms, Jason said "They want this bad."

"I can tell. I don't know why I didn't see it earlier. I've been so busy worrying about Michael's recovery-"

"Don't blame yourself. You've been amazing these last two years. You've been to hell and back....over me, Jake, the shooting....and all Michael went through....you can't read their minds and you can't stop them from being like you."

She smiled slightly, though her eyes were watery. "I wish I could have told them back home that we weren't an option so that they wouldn't have gotten their hopes up. Look at them, Jase." Her bottom lip jutted out.

He kissed her cheek. They swayed to the music, barely moving, and he murmured "This will be okay. I'll explain everything to them. You don't need to say anything."

"I don't want them hurting. They never understand what us adults do."

Jason leaned his head against her forehead. "All they want is a family that is happy. We can give them that."

"I know," she whispered back, her voice breaking.

But she didn't know. She didn't get all he wanted. But by the time this night was over she would. Because he was going to stop holding back his love from the love of his life.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carly's heart hurt.

Her boys were banking on Jason and her becoming a couple. Love. Marriage. Sharing a home. She could see it now that she knew what to look for: the conspiratorial glances between Michael and Morgan, the phones calls to Spinelli that they snuck away to have, the e-mail from Maxie, Lucas and Lulu wondering about the trip.

They all wanted Carly and Jason to come back madly in love again. It barely mattered if Spinelli, Lulu, Maxie and Lucas were disappointed. They were all adults and they understood how life worked. But her boys....this was their family they were desperate to have...and it hurt bad to know they would never see her and Jason married.

That fact has always made her own heart heavy but it was a different story to know it was a scar her boys would carry.

When they got back to the rented house Carly yanked off her heels and dropped them in the hall closet, sighing heavily. She went to find junk food. She needed it bed.

"Boys," she called out "I'll be in the backyard if you need me."

Jason was taking a business call in the SUV. Carly had her back of pork rinds and her soda and was dangling her feet in the pool when Jason came out, ten minutes later. He sat down in a lawn chair.

She got up and came over to sit next to him. "I hate this."

"I know you do and I'm sorry."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the moonlight, when he first came out of the house, he swore she looked just the same as when they were in Florida years before. She was the same woman as then, when Michael was a baby. With her long hair down her back, her slightly sad smile that tried to be brave, her haunted eyes. Her trust in Jason. Her faith in him. Her insecurities that she fought so hard to overcome but some still clung to her.

She was the woman he loved most of his life. But only starting tonight- if she let him- would Jason finally love her right.

Carly sighed. "You have nothing to be sorry about. It just sucks. It sucks they got this idea in their heads and they will be let down."

Jason took her hand between two of his. His hands were slightly shaking. She sucked in a shaky breath, responding to the change in him, as he rubbed her hand between his.

Jason said again "I'm sorry."

Carly's breathing was shallow.

He sat back in his seat and pulled her hand till she stood up, and then sat on his lap. Her eyes searched his.

Jason let out a short breath. "The boys should never have had to do this. Its messed up that it came to this. But what we are....that's not messed up....or it doesn't have to stay messed up, however you want to think about it."

"Jase," her voice cracked with happiness.

He looked into her eyes. "I've done you so wrong."

"Its okay."

This time she did not say: No, no, never. Because this time everything was on the line for them and she knew it. This time they needed to be completely honest and real. Not make enough excuses and justifications to drown themselves, their boys, and their last chance in.

"Its not okay, Carly......I hate what I've done."

Her eyes darted back and forth, searching his. "What do you plan to do about it?"

"Do better."

"Yeah?" she breathed out. Her chest heaved with emotion.

She was gorgeous in the moonlight. She started out hot as hell and sexy as all get out- back in Jake's- but now she was that and also beautiful, graceful, mature, thoughtful and more of a woman than he was a man.

But he was still her man. Then and now. It was the in between that hurt so bad. They had all those years of memories that he would not trade for anything but they could have had so much more.

He didn't like to think about the past and wallow in regrets. But she was always his exception to every rule.

Jason swallowed hard. "The last six months.....we made a life together, right?"

She nodded.

He went on "I love that life. I love our boys.....and Carly... I'm in love-"

"OH MY GOD!"

He let out a teary chuckle.

They heard giggles drift through the air. Looking up they saw the kids on a balcony. Jason told Carly "Stand up. Lets do it right."

"I don't know that I can." Her whole body was shaking with happiness. She slowly stood up. Tears welled in her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hands.

Jason got down on one knee. "I don't have any rings. I'm not....the hero you made me out to be...when our son was born....but I love you, Carly....." He let out a short breath, making a whooshing noise, as he blinked back tears. "I'm sorrier than you'll ever know....for the time wasted....I do love you...I'm in love with you."

She sunk down to her knees and cupped his face with her hands. "Jase-"

He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm begging you. Marry me."

"You never had to beg. I wanted to marry you since Michael was born."

He gave her a very short and soft kiss then. Later he would give her deeper and longer ones. Later they would say more. For now they just stood up, hugged, stared in each other's eyes under the moonlight and waited for their boys to run downstairs and jump all over them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the balcony, Michael brought the phone that he had been holding out back to his ear "Did you hear that? Oh, sorry....He basically said he wants to marry her...I knew it, too. Yeah, so obvious....Okay. Bye, Spinelli."

Morgan was bouncing all around. He slapped five with Michael. "Now Mama will be happy, right?"

"Come on. Lets go see up close."

As they went down the stairs Morgan grumbled about how Jason and his Mom kissing was gross to watch.

Michael told him "Get used to it."

"Yuck!"

When they got outside, Morgan was all smiles again, doing a happy dance he learned from his mother. "It worked! Uncle Lucas was right!"

Jason asked, with his arm around Carly's waist, "Lucas told you to do this?"

"Michael thought up making us a married family but Lucas thought up Florida. And it worked!"

Michael was standing by the patio doors, watching them.

Jason let go of Carly, as she crouched down to talk to Morgan, and walked over to Michael. They gripped hands and then Jason pulled him into a hug. "You are such an amazing kid. I love you, Michael."

Michael had a light sheen of tears in his eyes as he pulled back. His eyes searched Jason's. "This will be good for Mom.....for this family. Dad has Alexis and that's right for them....he's happier than I ever saw him....and now Mom gets the same kind of happiness.....Sorry I pulled a scam on you."

He nodded. "You did it for your Mom."

"Jason....." he stared at him for a long time, looking like he wanted to say something emotional but he didn't. Finally he said "You know she'll want a big wedding, right?"

They both chuckled.

Carly came over, smiling. "I can't believe you boys did this!"

"You'd never do it on your own," Michael said. "You guys were just too lame to get it together."

"Lame?" Carly asked with a smirk, as she looked at Jason.

He only gave her a grin back.

Morgan started whining he was hungry so they all went to find leftovers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Late that night, Jason walked into Carly's room. He had been spending time hanging out with the boys while she took a bath and put on a nightgown and robe.

When he came in the room, she was watching a talk show but she flipped the TV off quickly. She stood up and walked toward him with her arms lifted.

Snugly she fit into his embrace. He held her for minutes, as he ran his hands up and down her back, and nuzzled her neck and just loved on her without saying anything.

Finally she told him "I know this isn't just cause the kids want it. I know you. I know you'd only do this if you wanted to....and you wanting to....it makes me feel so loved and cherished...and worth something again."

"You are always worth something whether you have a husband or not."

"I know that much. I really do. I'm not who I was at twenty-two. But I feel more worth something when you are my partner....and when our family is all under one roof....when we're like this....I'm really myself....my best self. I just love you with all I am, Jason."

He started kissing her. They moved over to the bed. Jason was stretched out over Carly. He rolled off her. "When we get home, send the kids to Sonny's for a week."

"Done."

She smiled at him and curled against him. "There's so much I want to say to you...."

He gave her a grin. "Talk. That's one thing we can do with kids in the house."

She lay her head on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair. They talked till the early morning hours and they fall asleep tangled together.

Back in Port Charles the word was spreading.....the Morgan Family Plan was a success. Start shopping for black tie attire because there was a big fancy wedding coming up. In the end the ceremony was in September, on a beach in Florida, with just Jason, Carly, Michael, Morgan, Spinelli, Maxie, Lulu, Lucas, Bobbie, Monica, Sonny, Alexis, Kristina, Molly, Milo, Mercedes, Viola, Mike Corbin and Max. Just the family.

And the honeymoon was a wild, walls shaking, throat's raw in the morning week in a beach house in Florida. No kids allowed.

THE END.


	9. I'll Wait For You

I am consilodating some of my fics. This was first posted 8-28-06. I had only been writing fanfiction for a month, but I had been writing fiction for years already.

* * *

Premise-Carly never sleeps with Sonny and that one choice changes her whole life. COMPLETE.

Author's note- This short story is my version of what I wished happened instead of Sonny and Carly sleeping together.

**I'll Wait For You**

**December 1st,1999**

Carly woke up with a raging headache. She rolled out of bed, clutching her head, and moaning

"Coffee. I need coffee."

After heading to the bathroom and then grabbing her robe. She stumbled down the hall at the Quatermaine mansion. There he was, her beautiful little boy, sleeping peacefully.

She leaned over his crib and said,"Mommy almost screwed up everything last night, kid. But don't worry I wasn't stupid. I have my plan and soon we will be out of here."

A half hour later she was at Kelly's barking at Liz "Large coffee black to go. Do you think your little brain can handle that?"

"Don't you ever smile or have anything nice to say? " asked Elizabeth as she poured the drink.

"Not to you." Carly snapped "And, word to the wise, don't ever let me catch you dancing with Jason again or you will be sorry."

Liz shoved the coffee at her and said "I dance with who I want."

"Not with my man." said Carly, turning and walking out before Liz could respond.

Carly sat outside, at a table, sipping her coffee and thinking about the night before.

_I wonder if Sonny went through with it, _Carly thought_, he looked like he was on the edge. He better not have killed himself or Jason will hate me for leaving Sonny alone. But I could not stay there __with him throwing his disgusting one liners at me. If he called me a whore one more time I would have had to smack the crap out of him. I don't care that he has issues. Who don't!_

Carly could still feel Sonny's hands on her when he grabbed her arm and his voice when he said things about her being too much of a whore for Jason.

Carly was doing her best to block it out but it she knew it would take a while to forgive him and herself. Because, as bad as it sounds, she had actually considering sleeping with him.

Sonny was all darkness and Carly was falling in her own hole last night. She felt buried by the weight of her fears that Jason might love Elizabeth, might prefer her and her easy going smile, unburdened heart, essential goodness to Carly's sharp edged heart that needed constant reassurance. But Carly wasn't ready to give up on Jason yet. She didn't think she ever would be able to.

Even if he married Elizabeth or someone else she'd be waiting on his divorce.

Even if he died she'd be waiting to see him again in Heaven.

_I'll wait forever for you, Jase_. She vowed silently.

But she didn't want to wait that long. She wanted Jason to find a way for them to be together today. To come and take her and Michael out of the Quatermaine mansion and home with him, where they belonged.

Carly didn't think she could take many more conversations like the one she had with AJ the day before. He tried telling her that he actually cared about her- wanted to make their marriage real, even- but it wasn't something Carly could even consider.

_I chose my man already_. Carly said to herself.

**At the Penthouse**, Jason was coming through Sonny's door clutching his side. He collapsed into the chair.

"What happened at the meeting with Moreno?" Sonny asked as he came down the stairs from the bedroom.

Jason took in the destroyed apartment. He worried about how Sonny was feeling, even as the bullet in him poured blood onto his hand and threatened his life.

Through clenched teeth Jason squeezed out, "It went sideways, Sonny. Wrong."

Jason lifted his bloody hand and said, " I need a doctor, man."

Sonny hurried to the phone and made the call. "Just hang on. You're going to be fine. Jason."

Jason leaned back and closed his eyes. He had used all of his energy to get here and now all he wanted was to stop hurting.

Sonny was back by his side now, applying pressure to his wound to try and stop the bleeding.

_Don't give in to the blackness_, Jason told himself as he forced his eyes open again. The room was spinning before him.

"Stay with me, Jason!" Sonny shouted but he sounded a million miles away now "Don't you dare die. I need you. Michael needs you."

"Hurts." Jason moaned "too bad..."

Sonny didn't want to say it but if it would keep Jason from giving up he would. Sonny grabbed Jason's shoulders "Hey, man, you still with me? You can't die. Carly needs you! You don't think anyone else would put up with her, do you? Carly loves you so don't you even think about dying and leaving the rest of us to deal with her."

Jason clutched at Sonny's arm. He lifted his head. "Tell Carly..."

"You tell you yourself. The doctor will be here soon."

"Tell her..."Jason grimaced in pain. The room kept moving around on him. His head dropped backwards onto the chair and his eyes drifted close.

"Jason!"

"Uhh...tell her" Jason whispered, barley loud enough for Sonny to hear, "...to wait for me...I'll come for her when...I can...ohhhh."

**Carly was riding the elevator **up to Jason's apartment next to a man carrying a doctor's bag. She expected him to get off on another floor but when they passed the last floor before the penthouse she said to him, " Headed to Sonny Corinthos' place?"

The doctor stared straight ahead without answering.

"I hope you're a shrink cause he could sure use one." Carly said

The elevator door opened and she headed for Jason's door while the doctor turned to go to Sonny's.

Carly was knocking on Jason's door when she heard a low moan of pain drift into the hallway.

"That's Jason!" she cried running toward Sonny's.

The guard stopped her. "Hey, now, you can't go in there."

"Move or die, Johnny. Those are your only choices." she said, pushing him with all her strength.

"Carly, please, you're gonna get me fired."

"Jason!" she screamed out, fear in her voice

Sonny opened the door and said, "Let her in." He looked at Carly "Calm down. You don't want him getting more upset worrying about you losing it."

Carly ran to Jason's side. The doctor had him laid out on the couch. Carly grabbed his hand. "Hey, baby, you're going to be fine. Just fine,you hear me? I'm right here and I am not leaving you. So don't you even think about leaving me. I waited too long to get you all for myself you can't welch on our agreement now. It's me and you, Jase. So stay here with me."

"He passed out. I doubt he can hear you." the doctor said as he worked on Jason.

"Oh, he can hear me." carly said

"We need to get him moved."the doctor said to Sonny.

"Oh, Jason," Carly cried, tears covering her face "You know I love you, right? You have to know that, Jase."

His hand squeezed her.

"Carly, let the doctor work." Sonny said

"Work around me." Carly said " I'm not leaving his side."

**Jason needed a three weeks **to recover to full strength. It was Christmas Eve 1999 when he walked through the patio doors at the Quatermaine mansion. Most of the family were

sitting around the room, presents covered every surface.

"You're home for Christmas!" Edward said, smiling " I knew you would come around in time."

"Jason, this is a surprise."Monica said "But you aren't here for dinner are you?"

He shook his head.

Emily said, "Merry Christmas, Jason."

Alan said, "Good to see you, son."

" I doubt Junior will think so." Ned said

"Where are they?" Jason said, his voice deadly serious.

"Who?" Edward asked "Your brother and his family? They should be down any minute. Michael was just waking up from his nap and they went to get him."

"Go to hell, AJ!" Carly's loud voice drifted into the room

"Aren't I already there?" AJ said asked . Their voices were getting closer " I am married to you, after all."

"Not for long." Carly said

"You think Jason is still coming to save you, don't you?" AJ laughed and then they all walked in the room.

Aj held Michael in his arms.

"Let the show begin." said Ned

"Jason." Carly said, smiling "I thought we were meeting later to exchange gifts?"

"You aren't meeting him ever again, Carly." AJ said "Not unless you like the sound of me having permanent full custody of our son."

"Try and stop me." Carly said

"Listen, little miss, " Edward started "you need to understand a few things-"

Jason reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a legal document. He threw into onto the coffee table. "Those are divorce papers, AJ. Sign them. They give you visitation rights. Be happy with that. Be grateful." Jason said in a cold voice. " it is a gift. You will be supervised at all times when you are with Michael because he will never be exposed to your drinking or be around when you start something on fire or decide to risk your life in some other self destructive way. You will be polite to carly. You will be good to Michael and never give that boy one moment of unhappiness. Or you will lose those visitations and much, much more."

"No, thanks, brother. I think I will just keep my wife and son right here at home with me. You can take your papers and shove 'em."

Carly's heart was beating a mile a minute. Her face was decked out in a huge grin. She went to the foyer, opened the closet and pulled out Michael's coat. Then she came back and said, "This is all we need. You can keep the rest, AJ. Burn it for all I care."

"I'll send someone for her things. They had better not be burned, AJ." Jason said

"Hold on a minute here!" Edward jumped up

Alan said, "Father, sit down. This is out of our hands."

AJ gripped Michael closer. Michael started to cry.

"You can't take him from me." Aj said

"How can you do this ?" Monica said, looking at Carly. "Rip two brothers apart and stand there looking proud of yourself?"

"How can you expect me to live the rest of my life with a man I don't love?" Carly asked. She reached over and rubbed Michael's back, "It's okay. Jason's come to take us home."

"You are a demon sent from hell to ruin this family!" Edward said to Carly

"Grandfather, please, relax."Emily said "Can't you see that Jason and Carly love each other? Do you really think any of us can stop them from being together?"

Jason smiled at his sister and moved toward his brother.

"No." Said Aj

Jason put his hands on Michael. Michael reached out for him.

Jason said, "It's over, AJ. Let him go or the deal is off and I'll have to do something I really don't want to do."

Jason's eyes met AJ. To kill his own brother, Michael's father, was not something Jason wanted to do. He knew that it would be hard to carry the weight of that and to have to explain it to Michael one day. But he would not let Carly and Michael be life long prisoners in the Quatermaine mansion either.

AJ saw the resolve in Jason's eyes and the clear message in them_, Accept this deal or die._

Aj released his grip on Michael.

**Carly, Jason and Michael strolled **out the front door of the mansion and into a waiting limo.

Carly hugged Jason as soon as they sat down, crushing Michael between them.

Jason laughed "Ok, let your poor son breath, Carly."

Jason fixed Michael into a car seat and said to him, "I'm sorry it took so long, little guy. I wanted to get you away from him for good but we will have to deal with this arraignment for now. I couldn't wait any longer for my family to come home. It's Christmas, you know."

Michael smiled.

Carly looked at her two guys, the only people in the world who owned pieces of her heart, and tears came to her eyes.

Jason said to the driver, "Take us home." then he looked at Carly and said "You're not disappointed that we have to settle for giving AJ visitation, are you? We will still fight it if AJ screws up in the least."

"This doesn't feel like settling to me. " Carly said. She snuggled closer to Jason " This feels like a dream come true."

"Merry Christmas, Carly."

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Jase." Carly said, joy filled her voice "Why didn't you tell me you were doing this? Why now?"

"Well it's a week till the year 2000." Jason said

"Yeah. It's not like you are into celebrating stuff like that though."

Jason smiled at her, "True. But if I am going to live to see a new millennium

then I'm not doing it without you and Michael.."

Carly threw her arms around his neck and said, "You won't be sorry you did this. I can make you happy, Jase, I know I can. I can change-"

Jason whispered in her ear, " Just be yourself because I am kinda hooked on that girl."

She held onto him even tighter. Her wait was over. She had made it through the trial and tribulations and out the other side with Jason still wanting her. He gave her a place to belong in the world and a place to feel safe. She wouldn't have to plot to get a happy ever after. He gave her one just by opening his arms, heart and life to her and her son.

Still holding on to him, she whispered "Well, you got me, Jase. You got me for life." she said

Jason smiled. "Sounds just about right."


	10. Everytime She Falls, part one

I am consilodating some of my fics. This was first posted 7-7-07. I had only been writing fanfiction for a year at that time.

* * *

**Comes Back to Catch Her Every Time She Falls **

**Chapter One**

**2000**

At first he wanted to die.

No one would think Jason Morgan was the suicidal type. In truth, he wasn't. But with a bullet wound already in his side at that point, he wouldn't have minded if it have done its intended job and ended him.

Then he just wanted to leave town, as Liz nursed him back to health. He could barely look at her then. He didn't want to risk anyone seeing his broken heart in his eyes. Could the whole world tell? Probably, he decided.

He couldn't run, not right away. Hell, he couldn't even walk at first and he certainly couldn't think. Not about anything but Carly standing on those stairs, about knowing that she gave up on him, about knowing they were over...all he could think was he fucked up everything.

He would pay for that, Jason was sure. It had already started. Because he did get back his strength. He didn't die. God, apparently, didn't think he deserved to be put out of his misery. It was time to pay for his sins, his lies, his choices...for all he did...and for all he should have done.

For a long moment Jason stood in the hallway at Harborview Towers, outside of Sonny's door.

Johnny stood at his post. But his eyes stayed pointed at a spot on the wall. He didn't ask about the bag Jason was holding, or tell him not to compound this mess by taking off. He just stood guard, in silence, but Jason knew he didn't approve of this...of him leaving...of him breaking his word to her.

_I did that a long time ago, man,_ Jason silently told him.

His hand reached out and touched the door.

"Mr. Man!" Carly cried. Her voice was light and full of laughter.

Jason pictured Micheal running across the living room, on his chubby little legs, wearing that smile that reminded everyone of Carly. Pure trouble, but too cute to resist.

They were happy- without him. It was what he wanted on the day he told Carly he wouldn't fight to keep Micheal anymore. He had wanted her away from A.J, he had wanted her to not be trapped in a life she didn't choose, he had wanted his son free of being tugged back and forth. Jason got all he wanted and he got nothing he ever wanted.

He lost them- forever.

It was time to tell her that. I'm leaving...and I won't be back, he silently practiced.

But thinking of her face crumpling, of the inevitable accusation "You lied, Jase!", he couldn't knock on that door and leave her with another memory of him letting her down. Or maybe that was just some bullshit rationalization he told himself, he was good at doing that when it came to her.

Either way, Jason didn't knock that day, he didn't say good- bye to her. He couldn't ever really do that when it came to Carly and Micheal. He could get close to those words, saying "I can't do this...be want you want...what you need. It won't work..." but to say "Good-bye forever. I love you but it's not enough," was more than he could force out of his mouth. Even if it was true.

He took a step back and another and another, till he was at the elevator. He hit the button, but couldn't stand the minute wait it would take for the doors to open, and fled for the stairs.

The whole way down images of Carly flashed through his mind.

(_You found hope, you found faith.  
Found how fast she could take it away. _)

Found true love, but lost your heart.  
Now you don't know who you are.

He didn't ever want to love her. From the first moment she pulled him down onto the bed at Jake's, with her dangerous smile and eyes full of heartache and a thousand temptations he could never resist, he had not wanted her in his heart.

For her knew, once she was there, she would never leave. And how could he cope with that? She was more than he could handle, and all he wanted now...and all he would never have again.

(_She made it easy, made it free.  
Made you hurt till you couldn't see. _. )

Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows.  
But baby, that is how love goes

But he hadn't wanted it to go this way. He hadn't asked her to love him, he hadn't tried to love her back.

Still one day- he couldn't remember which one now- he looked up and she was his whole damn life.  
It felt wrong to leave her behind, to admit they were never gonna be that family she dreamed about, that his son was not his anymore and never would be again.

But this is what he asked for...Jason knew she wasn't his the moment he ended them months before.

He had given her up, and their son, and all she did was believe him.

How could she believe me? he asked himself as his feet hit the ground floor, then he jogged into the lobby, and out onto the street, sucking in a gulp of fresh air.

Jason stopped and looked back up at the apartment where she lived with Sonny now, and there she was, on the terrace.

(_You will fly and you will crawl.  
God knows even angels fall. _. )

No such thing as you've lost it all.  
God knows even angels fall

From this distance, he couldn't see her eyes, and knew she couldn't see his but still he felt exposed, caught. He even wondered if she guessed what he was doing. It wasn't logical- nothing about them ever was.

_"I don't know what I would do without you, Jase. If you ever left me..." _

"I will never leave you."

"All I do is wreck your life..."

"I don't mind."

"But you don't like it..."

"I'm still here."

"I'll chase you away, eventually, and you'll be glad to get rid of me..."

"That's not true."

"You're the best, Jase..."

_Only for you,_ he had thought that day and knew it was true now.

_"Man, I love you, Jason. I do...I love you and our family,"_ she had confessed through tears.

_And I love you...and it doesn't change a thing_, he thought now.

His feet were rooted on the ground, his eyes still looking up at her. He couldn't know for sure she even saw him, yet he did know. Carly was watching him. She was asking him not to do this- to them, to their family, to their lives.

But he had done it all, and she had, already. All their moves were played.

Game over.

(_You will fly and you will crawl.  
God knows even angels fall. _

_No such thing as you've lost it all.)_

People around town always said Carly was going to be the destruction of Jason Morgan...but he never thought that was true. She made him a man, a father, a best friend...she forced her way into his heart and life...she made him love her...and she broke him down. But he destroyed her.

It was done in that moment when he walked over to his bike, got on, and rode out of Port Charles- intending to never return.

Because he didn't know how to forgive her, or himself, or save them. And so he broke his promise.

_"I will catch you whenever you fall, Carly..."_

(..._God knows even angels fall. Even angels fall.  
Even angels fall. _) ( Jessica Riddle)


	11. Everytime She Falls, part two

I am consilodating some of my fics. This was first posted 7-7-07. I had only been writing fanfiction for a year at that time.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**2000**

She had wanted to die- when she realized he was gone, and not coming back.

Jason Morgan hadn't died...he just moved on, left her behind, without a kiss, without saying a word to her or their baby...he just bailed.

But she couldn't die. If not for Michael she certainly would have bought a gun, or stolen one of Sonny's, and shot herself or someone else. Destroyed something, someone, taken revenge on the world somehow.

She was a mother...Jason had made her one, by helping her learn how to push past her own fears and care for her son, how to put her shit aside and be what their kid needed...so she couldn't do any of those things she wanted. She could only take the pain and push it deep inside.

Sonny didn't want to see her crying over Jason, didn't want to hear any damn fairytales about Jason being her other half or about their now wrecked family. Sonny didn't care about those dreams she used to have...that she still couldn't quite shake even though she didn't know where Jason was...who he was with...if he ever thought of her.

Some dreams die hard...like some loves do.

(_I make believe  
that you are here _

_It's the only way  
I see clear_

_What have I done?  
You seem to move on easy )( Britney Spears)_

It was almost time to leave the hospital now. She had gotten through this ordeal with her life, but just barely. She'd rather her baby had survived. The baby could have been anything, done anything, grown up to be stronger and wiser than her or Sonny...but the baby wouldn't grow up at all now.

Carly didn't want to go back to Sonny's. They weren't dating, married, or even really friends. They were trying to not be enemies, for the sake of their child. That fragile peace accord would probably be over now.

Sure, he held her hand when she woke up and promised to stay by her side. But he couldn't make her stop aching inside. He could try for years, for everyday of his life, and not do what Jason could with one look.  
But thinking of Jason was pointless now. Loving him was useless. She was in this on her own.

Just her and their son- the one that he didn't even claim anymore.

_What a jacked up life,_ she thought,_ What a disaster...you were right, Jase, this wrecked us both in the end...but I wouldn't change a thing...cause that was all just me loving you...and you loving me, whether you admit it or not...you loved me._

(_Every time I try to fly, I fall.  
Without my wings I feel so small  
I guess I need you, baby ) _

Bobbie stepped into the room.

Carly hated the pity in her mothers eyes. It was easier when all Bobbie felt was hate for her. That never made Carly feel vulnerable or exposed, that was the one emotion she could work well with- simple unbridled hate. But there was no one to hate in this situation, no one to blame- not even A.J.- for everyone did their part, everyone was guilty. Carly blamed herself first, most, and always.

She had caused Jason to leave her. Chased him off like she always feared she would. Made him not able to stand the sight of her, and left herself with a hole no one could ever fill.

"Sonny isn't here to take you home?"

"Guess not. Johnny said he had to leave town."

Bobbie raised on eyebrow.

Carly added, "It's fine. I don't need anyone to hold my hand. I'm not going to lean on Sonny so it doesn't really matter if he is here or not."

Bobbie gave her a skeptical look.

"I'm on my own and fine with it!" Carly insisted.

"Come home with me."

The simple sentence was enough to tempt Carly to break into tears. And all the hormones racing through her body didn't help either. Her mother should despise her, and at one time she did. But still here she was.

"Okay."

No one could save her, only Jason and he was long gone. But maybe her mother could be there for Micheal. He would need someone cause Carly didn't think she would be much good to anyone for a very long time. She felt empty, hollow, spent.

(_And every time I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you, baby ) _

Micheal deserved better than her or A. J. She knew that from the moment she found out she was pregnant. He deserved Jason.

She remembered saying just last year "I'm doing this all for our family..."

Their family. Gone. Just like her baby. Just like Jason. It was all gone and Carly still couldn't die.

If only he would come back...

(_I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby) _( Britney Spears)

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Jason opened the door to his apartment and immediately felt anger boil up in his veins.

"What?"

"She needs you."

His heart started to hammer in his chest. What could have happened to Carly? Johnny was supposed to call him if anything went down that she couldn't handle on her own. Jason didn't want to ever go back there...but if it came down to her needing him, he would in an instant.

So why was Sonny on his doorstep- the last man on earth he ever wanted to lay eyes on- instead of Johnny?

Jason couldn't speak. His head was empty of words and only images were bombarding him. Carly in a car accident with a gash across her head and blood on her blonde hair...Carly in a cell crying for him to come and break her out...Carly in some guy's bed who was holding her down, making her stay, taking away her choice..or maybe it was Micheal hurt...maybe their son was even...

He couldn't finish the thought, as bile rose up in his throat.

Sonny went on, "She lost our baby and nearly lost her life. She blames herself and me and God. She might even blame you...but all I know is I can't help her right now. I can't...but you can."

Jason stepped out of the doorway and walked back into his little rundown apartment. He could afford better, but he didn't care where he lived. For a month after he left, he hadn't even cared if he ate.

_Her baby is gone_, he thought,_ Oh God_...

He could picture the ways her eyes must have looked when they told her. He should have been there. If only to promise he'd get her through this...but what good was his promises now?

Sonny didn't follow him inside. He stood at the doorway, his hands shoved in his pockets and a guilty expression on his face. "Listen, man, I never thought it would go this way...it was just one night...I was out of my mind and I played on all her fears..."

"Get out!" The words exploded from deep inside of him without warning. Jason simply couldn't hear excuses right now. That wouldn't change anything for any of them.

Sonny stood his ground. Jason turned and started toward him. His fingers balled into a fist. It would feel like heaven to knock Sonny the hell out, to start hitting him and not stop till he was the one destroyed instead of Jason or Carly.

Before Jason could swing at him Sonny repeated his earlier words, in a quiet but firm tone, "She needs you."

Then he turned and walked down the hall, leaving Jason panting in frustration and anger and pain.

_I can't do anything for Carly. Not this time. I'd just make it worse...show her another thing she lost...remind her that I let her down in every way imaginable...I didn't catch her when she fell..._


	12. Everytime She Falls, part three

I am consilodating some of my fics. This was first posted 7-7-07. I had only been writing fanfiction for a year at that time.

* * *

**Chapter Three **

**2000**

Jason didn't think he was doing the right thing. Staying away would have been better. He didn't want to add to her pain. Or maybe he just didn't want to stand before her ashamed.

But he couldn't stay in that apartment he had never called home- not when all he could think of was her, without her baby, aching and crying and blaming herself. If he came back, she could blame him. That might help her.

It was convoluted logic- the type Carly was famous for- and he wondered as he rode his bike up to the Brownstone if Carly had rubbed off on him more than he even thought. When it came to her his reasoning skills were shot. He just felt...and left the thinking for later.

Johnny told him where to find Carly, and apologized for not calling about the miscarriage. The truth was, Jason heard in Johnny's tone more than his words, they weren't sure if Carly would survive and Johnny hadn't known the right words to tell Jason how desperate the situation was. The surgery happened so quickly there was nothing Jason could have done but worried from a distance., Jason thought

I could have prayed for her

But would God listen to a man like him? Did God punish Carly to make Jason suffer? He hated to think that way...it wasn't worth trying to figure out...there was no answer that was coming...just more questions and more guilt and more than enough pain to go around.

XXXXXXXX

Lucas answered the door and before Jason could say a word the little boy was running through the house yelling for his sister.

Jason stepped into the living room. His heart was in his throat. Any second now she would be in front of him. Would she hate him? Cuss him out? Throw something? Love him still? Always? Was Micheal somewhere in this house?

His mind couldn't stay focused on any one thought for more than a second. All he knew is he was about to see Carly again and he couldn't fuck it up this time.

She needed him.

She was falling and he intended to catch her.

XXXXXXXXXXX  
Carly stood over Micheal's bed. She had just gotten him to sleep. Only hours before Johnny brought her home from the hospital. She was moving slowly, her whole body ached, and she knew she wouldn't be able to stand up for much longer.

"Jason's here! Carly! Jason's back!"

She figured she was imagining her little brother's words. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't have a fantasy about Jason coming home and taking her in his arms again. But that was never going to happen. He didn't want to save her anymore. She had gone too far, did too much, been too greedy and selfish and sinful.

Lucas skidded into the room.

Carly hushed him.

"But," his eyes were bright with a child's enthusiasm.

"Hallway," Carly whispered. If Micheal woke up it would take hours to get him back down and she didn't have the energy to deal with that tonight.

As soon as they were out of the room, Lucas said "Jason's here! You said he was never coming back but he did."

_No, he couldn't have...why now? _

Her heart slowed down, her breathing become shallow. "Don't mess with me. That's not a funny joke."

"I'm not kiddin'. He's in the living room. Just come," he grabbed her hand and pulled her after him "See! There he is."

Her eyes took him in. He looked thinner, pale, his hair was longer, his eyes darted back and forth. He was beautiful but looked as miserable as she had ever seen him. His eyes were shame filled, his posture tense with guilt, and his heart was in his blue eyes.

She thought they were saying I love you.

Or maybe they were just saying Forgive me.

Lucas broke the strained silence, "She thought I was lying."

Carly whispered to her brother while her eyes stayed on Jason, "Go to your room, okay?"

"Sure. Night."

Carly moved slowly to the couch and sat down. She hadn't gotten back to full strength after the surgery yet and seeing Jason only made her feel weaker. Soon she was gasping for breath, hyperventilating, and she couldn't stop herself.

He was back...how could that be? Once it was over, for Jason, once he was done with someone or something, he was done. He never looked back. He never had regrets. He never came around trying to fix the past.

So why was he here getting her hopes up? Making her wish for their life again.

Jason hurried to her side, crouched down next to her, and placed a hand on her back. "Just breath...slow now...steady...you're all right."

Her breaths started to come in steady intervals again, but now she couldn't stop shaking.

Why was he here? To feel sorry for her? To make her stop aching? To love her? To say he would never love her?

She had watched him drive away that day months before- not knowing he wasn't planning to come back. The scream she let out when Johnny told her was just as loud and filled with despair as if Johnny had said Jason was dead. Because Carly didn't think he would ever come home again.

But he had.

He was right in front of her, he was touching her, his hand was softly moving in circles on her back. Carly didn't know how to take that.

She could never hate him but he couldn't just leave her, break her in a way no one else ever had or could, and then be here again with no explanation.

Didn't he know what it did to her to lose him? Didn't he know how far into her heart and soul he really was? Did he even care?

XXXXXXXXX

He watched her eyes harden slightly. Jason moved his hand off her back and sat down on the couch next to her.

He let out a breath.

"You heard about the baby."

"Yeah..." after a long pause he said "Carly, I'm sorry..."

"Me too. I didn't want to have his baby...and so God made sure I didn't. Except by the time He did...I wanted my baby, Jase." Tears filled her eyes. "Ironic, huh?"

She wouldn't look at him, and that made him terrified. He didn't know how to help her but Jason knew the first step was Carly letting him in.

"You wanting or not wanting your baby, you know, didn't cause this...it was an accident. Just an accident, right?"

"As much as I would like to say A.J. pushed me, he didn't. I did this. I got knocked up. I married A. J. I lied about Micheal..."

"You can't put this all on you. No one is an innocent bystander in this. I'm not. I should have been here."

She finally met his eyes. But it only made his heart twist into knots when he saw the raw anger there.

"What you should have done," her tone grew harsher with every word "is stayed if you wanted me or at least told me you were walking. Maybe I should have known...you gave up Micheal, why not me too? But I didn't. I didn't! I thought you would be mad at me, sure. I thought it would take a long time for you to forgive me, okay. But I never thought you would leave me...how could you?"

_I don't know_, he thought, _I don't know anything when it comes to you...except I can't let go and I'm scared to hold on... _

Carly got to her feet and glared at him. Then her eyes turned sad again and she started to stumble backwards, trying to put space between them. She bumped into the coffee table and started to fall down.

Jason hurried to stand and reached out to grab her. Right before she would have fallen, he caught her.

She moved her hand up to his shoulder and pressed herself to him. He felt a sob rise up in her, and she choked out, "How could you?"

His hand slid up her back, and into her hair, her forehead leaned against his.

"I screwed up," he admitted in a tortured tone.

"You sure as hell did."

"I don't want to make it worse...should I have stayed away?"

"Jase," she cried "that is the one thing you should never do."


	13. Everytime She Falls, part four

I am consilodating some of my fics. This was first posted 7-7-07. I had only been writing fanfiction for a year at that time.

* * *

**Everytime She Falls**

**Part Four**

**2000**

"I know everything is ruined," she said "but still...you didn't have to leave...cause even if you don't want to spend your time saving me from myself anymore we still have a son together who never asked to be walked out on...I didn't think you would do that to him."

"I told you I can't..."

"Please don't! You can't take back being his father. It doesn't work that way. You're lying to me and yourself if you think it does. Why should Micheal pay for what I did? That little boy loves you...I had to look my son in the eyes and tell him his daddy was gone forever...do you know what that did to me, Jase? To him?"

Carly finally pushed him away. Though it only intensified her ache, and after a minute she reached out and grabbed his hand.

He squeezed her hand as his blue eyes brightened with unshed tears.

_Jason is home, Jason is home, Jason might love me this time, I can save this family_... ran through her head

"Come see your son," Carly offered softly and then led him down the hall without another word.

XXXXXX

Jason lost his breath when he spotted Micheal asleep in his bed. Memories of when the boy was just a newborn, and Jason watched him while he slept to make sure he kept breathing, came flooding back to his mind. He had made so many promises to his son, in the middle of the night when no one was around to hear them. But Jason still remembered every one and wondered if Micheal did too.

He would do anything to get that life back again. To have Carly and Micheal be living under the same roof with him...so he could keep them safe and happy and loved. Who could love them better than him?

There wasn't a limit he wouldn't go to for them. So why didn't he keep fighting before? He had been afraid of feeling anymore pain, of scarring his son, himself and the woman he loved more than they already were. But, in the end, he did just that and worse...she slept with someone else, but Jason broke up their family before that night. He hated himself for that.

There was no way to go back in time though. And no denying they were surely as wrecked as he ever feared they would be.

A tear slipped down his check, as he brushed his fingers over his son's red hair, leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Michael's eyes fluttered open. "Daddy?"

Jason lifted him up and hugged him close. "Yeah, I'm here."

"I missed you...where were you?"

"No where important. I should have been here." Jason laid him back down. "Go back to sleep." He whispered into the little boy's ear. "I love you, son."

"I love you, daddy...don't leave again.." Micheal drifted back to sleep.

Jason met Carly's eyes. There was joy and pain mixing together in her gaze.

They walked out of the room and he followed her into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and he joined her.

Jason took her hand. His thumb stroked her skin.

She said "If you are leaving again, you tell him. And then..."

For a second she couldn't go on, and that told him what was coming next.

Carly finished, "don't ever come back. I could forgive you anything...even never forgiving me...but I will not allow you to break my child's heart for a second time. You got it, Jason?"

"Yes." With his other hand, he reached up and brushed a tear off her cheek. She lifted her hand and wiped the rest away.

Jason added, "I never wanted to make anything harder on you. You know that, right? I just wanted us to both...not hurt each other anymore...so I left. Cause if I stayed it would have been hell on both of us."

"It was anyway!"

"Yeah, it was."

Even though it was painful to see her eyes filled with resentment, to feel how unsure she was about him now, it was still amazing to him to be looking at Carly again, touching her, smelling her perfume and just taking her in. No matter where he went in the world, no other woman made him feel what this one could.

She mesmerized him, possessed him, made him forget how to reason and how to cope. She changed him- always in the best way, even at her worst- for she made him come to life. When Carly wasn't around, he was just a shell.

She gave him breath, hope, and someone to fight for, someone to try and be better for, to make amends to, to find a way to make love him again.

"So," Carly asked softly "now what, Jase?"

"I don't know...let me be here for you...help you. You need to get strong again."

"I didn't think I was going to be able to...you know? I kinda thought...it was just too much. You were gone and then the doctors took my baby...why wasn't it me? It shouldn't have been my baby who never did anything to anyone...do you think this happened because of how I got pregnant? Was it payback?"

"Shhh. No. It wasn't. It was an accident."

She nodded.

He knew he would have to tell her it again. She didn't really believe it yet. But he would do that. Jason would keep reassuring her for as long as it took, if she would let him. He could only stay by her side if that is what she still wanted.

XXXXXXXXX

Bobbie came home from work. Her eyes widened at the sight of Jason sitting at her kitchen table, holding Carly's hand, but she greeted him as if he hadn't been gone for months.

He stood up and said "I should go."

Carly walked him to the door. "Going back to your penthouse?"

"No."

"Are you staying in town, Jason?" Her eyes searched his.

If he left her again, Carly knew, it would be the end of them. For all the love she felt for him, she couldn't keep building her whole life around a man who didn't want her...unless he did.

She always believed he did. It was in the way he looked at her, right from the start. Like he could never get enough.

"I won't leave you, if you want me here," he told her.  
"I want you to stay for good or not at all. I don't know what you think about...me now...about us...but I will always need you around. You're my best friend, the best person I ever loved, you're the best dad for my son, the best of me and the best...dream I ever had. I know you think I'm only good at messing up everything...but I didn't mess us up alone. And I can't fix us alone either. Will you...could you ever...Jase.." her voice broke saying his name.

He eased her into his arms.

She gasped out, through tears, "Will you work with me to fix us?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

He leaned his forehead against hers. A feeling of intense peace washed over him. She wanted him back. It wasn't too late.

Though they had done it all wrong, they weren't at the end of the road yet. There was a chance...it was more than he thought he would get...he had to grab it with both hands.

Jason kissed her cheek. His mouth lingered over her skin for a long moment.

"Yes, Carly. I want our family to make it...you can't know how bad I want that. You're all I think about...you and our boy...you're all I missed and all I ..."

She smiled, hearing him say the word love even if it wasn't aloud.

His lips curved into a small smile. "I'm gonna go. Get some rest please. I'll be at Jake's...if my old room is still available. If not then Johnny's getting a roommate for a few nights, though he don't know it yet."

She let out a small laugh. He had missed hearing that sound. He had missed the way her eyes lit up. He missed everything she did to drive him crazy, and make him feel whole. He missed her and never wanted to do that again.

"Good night, Jason. Thanks...for coming to catch me again...it would have been one hell of a fall without you."

"I will always catch you when you fall. I swear, Carly, from now on..."

"Why?" the question was soft, sweet, but filled with all her insecurities. "Don't you get sick of it?"

"I was sick when I was away from you...I'm okay now."

A huge grin curved her lips. He left her looking that way, not broken or lonely or beaten down. He left her this time with a smile on her face.

_(I know where you hide  
alone in your car_

_know all of the things that make you who you are_

_I know that goodbye means nothing at all  
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls)_ ( Maroon 5)

**THE END.**


	14. What His Soul Craves, part 1

Note- I was reading poeticgrace's latest Jarly story, Take It Back, and became inspired. This story is five parts.

Happy Holidays, Jarly fans.

**What His Soul Craves**

**Jason and Carly, canon**

**Part One**

**December 28, 2009**

If he had to spend the last minutes of his life with anyone he wanted it to be with her. And it looked like Jason Morgan was going to get his wish...in a way.

As he lay on the side of the road in the mud, caused by a sleet storm in late December, Carly wasn't there to hold his broken body in her arms. She wasn't there to whisper "It will be okay," even if it wouldn't. He couldn't look up into her eyes and feel like his life had meant something more than being muscle for the mob.

But, like always, she was with him in another way. Though he used to not be able to remember his dreams, and he considered himself lucky for that back then, or draw a map, or tell a lie, the years had changed this man. He wasn't who he was when he met her. Not at all.

That time was complicated but it was easier than his life now. He hadn't made any sacrifices yet. Hadn't tried to live without what he needed most yet. Hadn't screwed up too bad yet.

As the blood dripped out of the large gash in his leg, while he tried to work up the energy to move and call for help, he felt her presence surrounding him.

Even now he wasn't without her.

"Hey...Oh my God..." a teenage girl cried as she ran up to him. She was the driver who went through a stop sign and ran into his motorcycle "Sir, are you okay?"

Jason moaned. He had managed to get out his cell phone. He pressed the screen.

"Jase?" he heard Carly say through the phone.

The teenage girl cried "Oh my God," over and over, going into shock.

Jason's eyes rolled back in his head and images of Carly filled his mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

He walked into the house, through the foyer, and a small smile curved his lips. That happened every day when he came home.

This mansion was built especially for them not long after they got married. His wife decorated it. The kids had their own suites on the second floor and the third was decked out with the master bedroom and bath, the media room for all the nights Carly liked to watch video while eating junk food, and a nursery. The first floor had the living room, kitchen and guest bedroom. The basement had three areas: a gym, a rec room with his pool table and a home office.

Jason felt a sense of peace at being in this home. Even though they had been married almost a year it still amazed him how stark the contrast was between what he felt now and how he used to feel.

He didn't even realize how cold and empty inside he had grown until he got Carly back. Her going with him to look for Michael is the best stubborn move she ever made. Jason had ranted at her that he couldn't drag a pregnant lady but she just ranted back that it was take her with or have her follow behind him every mile in her own car.

He couldn't let her do that so he took her along. They found their son in at a resort in Mexico, living by his Spencer wits.

As soon as Jason saw him he pulled him into a hug. It was such sweet relief to have his boy safe again.

By that time Jason knew he wanted Carly to be his wife, not Jax's. A teary kiss had been shared somewhere in Texas and that was all it took. Tasting her again made his heart break open for her.

He didn't say it at the time but after that kiss he couldn't imagine her every kissing Jax again. But he knew she would have if he didn't ask her to be his.

It wasn't right. Hell he knew that even now, more than a year later when they both wear gold bands that are engraved with _I'll catch you when you fall_, and when he has become a stepfather to her three kids. Not that he ever needed that title to love them as his own.

It had been a shady thing to do to steal Jax's wife from him. But Jason was glad he did it. Glad for that day when they came home and he stood in Carly's living room and said "I don't want to go back to how we were.....I can't go back....I won't pretend we're the same as before this trip." Glad she came into his arms without reservation. Glad she trusted him to be strong enough to risk his heart and his very soul on her reckless streak. Glad they had gotten back together. Glad they made a home.

He didn't know before that trip happened what he was missing. He couldn't even imagine it. He didn't ache for it cause he didn't let himself think of what Jax had that Jason wanted. He told himself he didn't even want it. He hid himself from her....always a mistake. He hid who he was screwing from her. He hid Jake from her. He tried to push her away after Michael went into a coma. He tried to push her away when Liz was pregnant. He tried to push her away so many times over the years but he never could because she wasn't going to give up on him, on them.

And now he's damn happy Carly hung on when Jason was trying to let go.

Because he didn't want to die never knowing this feeling. Coming home to his beautiful wife, his best friend, their home and their kids. Smiling at the life they made. Not fearing that it would end today or tomorrow but if it did he would be grateful he had known this.....being Carly's husband.

It was a hell of a jump he took for her, after Mexico, but it was the easiest one of his life. Because that kiss told him he couldn't do anything but jump.

Rounding the corner of the foyer he catches Michael on the couch with a girl. A school book is open on her lap but they aren't studying. Michael is leaning in for a kiss but Jason interrupts. He clears his throat.

Michael jumps up. "Jason."

The look he gives him reminds Jason so much of Carly. A little guilty. A little bit defiant.

"Hey," Jason said. "Your Mom home?"

"She's upstairs with Josslyn."

Jason nodded. "Good to see you, Riley."

"You too, Mr. Morgan," the girl said as she blushed ten shades of red.

Jason took the stairs two at a time, leaving the teenagers to study or make out, whatever they wanted. He liked Michael's new friend. She was good for him. Micheal looked at her in a way he had never looked at anyone before. That scared Carly but Jason saw it as inevitable.

Michael was eighteen now and soon he'd move out. Soon him and Riley would be more devoted to each other than any other people on this earth. It was bound to happen. Like a runaway train there was nothing to do but get out of the way and let it go.

It could be a good thing. Or maybe not. But Jason was glad that Michael respected Riley and treated her sweetly, from what Jason saw. It was a good start. They might have a chance.

Jason wouldn't even guess what would come of the relationship but he knew they were just getting going and not going to end anytime soon. It was all in how Michael looked at her.

Before he can locate Carly he runs into Morgan. "Hey," Jason smiles.

"Hi! Did you hear?"

Jason raises an eyebrow.

Morgan goes on, excitedly, "The Yankees won again! Soon they're gonna be the division champions."

"Good."

"Its awesome! I got to go call Dad. You're coming to the World Series with us, aren't you? We're getting our own box!"

"Sure. I'll be there."

"Awesome!" Morgan runs off.

Jason watches him go. There was a time when Jason thought the idea of Carly having Sonny's baby would kill him. It ate at his gut. It twisted up his insides. It made bile form on his tongue. But later their first baby died and Jason realized that was Carly's baby who would never be held by him or her. There was nothing to hate about any child Carly had. By the time Morgan came Jason would do anything for him, before he was born and every day of his life.

Pushing open the door of the nursery Jason finds Carly playing on the floor with Joss. "Hey," he crouches down. Caressing her cheek with one hand he gives her a short kiss. "You two having fun?"

Joss doesn't let Carly answer because she's already letting out a wail and opening her arms for Jason.

Carly chuckles. Jason picks up his stepdaughter and stands. Looking in her eyes he sees how much this baby loves and trusts him. And it reinforces that he is in just the right place. He's home.

Carly stands up. Jason instinctively wraps one arm around her back. He talks to Joss while Carly leans against him. She kisses his neck.

Its just how it should be. He wouldn't want to live without ever knowing this feeling.

They go downstairs and start to make dinner. Joss is laughing. Michael is dodging questions from Carly about Riley, who has already headed home. Morgan is still going on about the World Series. Right before the food is done Spinelli shows up. He's on his way home from the private detective agency. Michael had texted him to come to dinner.

The rest of the night passes in a happy blur of eating, joking, playing video games and getting Joss to sleep. Jason feeds her a bottle and tells her a story.

When he's done her eyes are closed and her breathing is even. He holds her in his arms a little longer anyway. Loving the feel of holding her. She's a precious gift that Carly prayed so long to receive. Knowing that Carly survived that pregnancy, and that she can never get pregnant again, makes Joss a real miracle baby.

Carly comes to the doorway. "She's asleep?" she whispers.

Jason nods.

Carly smiles. "So why are you keeping me waiting?"

Jason sets the baby in the crib and then goes to his wife. His hands land on her hips. Lust flares up in him, like an animal who is stalking its prey, and he wants her more than he's ever wanted anything before. Its like the first time when he gives her an intense, tongue tangling kiss, his hand moving to hold the back of her head.

Soon they are across the hall in their bedroom and their clothes are being ripped off. They make no noise but every kiss, pressed to over heated skin, is hurried and desperate. They can't get enough of tasting each other.

Even as he enters her she's still nibbling his neck, shoulder, ear. Her hands roam his back. Her nails dig into him.

When he comes he lets out a soft, primal grunt. He can't remember ever feeling like this before. Its like this time is more intense than any other they've ever shared.

He rolls onto his back and looks at her. "Carly..." there's awe in his tone.

She grins. She's sweaty and breathless. Looking just plain hot as hell. "Yeah?"

"I.....I love being your husband."

She kisses his shoulder. Her hand caresses his cheek. "Thank God for that! I don't think I could give you up now."

Their eyes meet and hold. "I love you," he says, stealing a quick kiss.

"I love you more than I've ever loved any man, Jase. I'll always love you the most."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**December 28, 2009**

There was a lot of noise in the room. People talking about blood pressure and heart rates and blood types.

"He may lose the leg," the doctor said.

There was a gasp that Jason knew was her. He struggled to open his eyes and get to her but he was stuck in the dark....the warm feeling in him turned cold and alone....he needed to open his eyes and look at her. See her one more time.

Carly cried, her voice breaking, "Do whatever you have to. Just save him! Please....please...do not let him die."

"We've got to get him into surgery now. Lets move people. Go!"


	15. What His Soul Craves, part 2

**What His Soul Craves**

**Jason and Carly, canon**

**Part Two **

**December 29****th, ****2009**

He was sitting up in the bed when she walked into the room.

"Hey!" she flashed him a huge smile. "You look great for someone who I nearly killed for almost dying on me yesterday. Can you please not do that to me again?" Her voice got soft and teary. "You know I can't live without you."

He felt like hell. For more reasons than just the road rash, after effects of the surgery, pain in his leg where the huge gash was stitched up, and the fact that he would need a good two months of recovery, taking it easy at home.

He also felt sick and miserable because of the dream he had when he passed out after the accident. Knowing that was a dream and this was his reality was making every part of him ache.

But seeing her made it a little better. A very small grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I'm fine."

She pouted. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry."

"The girl who ran into you feels horrible. She's just sixteen."

"It was an accident."

"That almost cost me you." Carly sits on his bed and takes his hand. "What would I do if you weren't around to catch me when I fall?"

Jason remembers his dream...his wedding band that said I'll catch you when you fall...and he grimaces.

Carly asks, alarmed, "What? Are you in pain? I'll get a doctor."

"No! Stay. Just....stay."

"Don't be all manly. If you're in pain-"

"I'm fine. I'm....fine."

"No, you're not. You're in pain. I can tell. You can't hide anything from me. You can try but I know when you're hurting. Not telling me the truth only makes it worse. You know that."

"The truth is....I'm glad you're here." He squeezed her hand. His eyes fell to the gold band on her finger.

He hated how upset he was over this. It was a dream. Just a dream. He dreamt of her many times before-even during his surgery for his hand and during his brain surgery- and he got over it each time. She was always at Jake's in his dreams. He dreamed then that they were who they used to be. And he knew when he woke up those times that they couldn't go back in time.

But this time they were who they could be. The dream was his fantasy of them less than a year from now. Late in summer.

That could be them.

It never would be though. Cause there were other people involved. Sam, first and foremost, and Jax. Plus Joss deserved her parents to be together; Michael didn't need more upheaval and chaos in his world; Morgan liked having Jax as a step dad.

Jason couldn't mess all that up.

Still he could remember her kiss from the dream and he so wanted to taste her again. Before he could stop himself his hand rose up and tangled in the back of her hair, pulled her closer and his mouth captured hers.

It was wrong. But he needed it. So much that he took it when he knew it was wrong and gonna start a mess.

He needed to taste her. He had to taste her. This was Carly. He wanted to die looking in her eyes.

XXXXXXXXXX

It felt so right.

The moment his hand went into the back of her hair she knew what was about to happen but she couldn't find the words to stop it. She didn't want to stop it.

Even the ring on her finger couldn't make her stop it.

She needed him. For so long. She needed Jason just like this. His mouth on hers. Knowing he was desperate for her. Needy for her. Hungry for her. Aching for her. Knowing he forgave her. Knowing he was brave for her in a way that was so hard for him.

Tears came to her eyes before the kiss ended. She waited for him to pull away. She couldn't be the first to stop what could be their last kiss ever.

Carly didn't know why Jason kissed her and she didn't know what it meant for their future. So she kissed him back like it was the last kiss either would ever have with anyone.

(If I had no more time,  
no more time left to be here,  
would you cherish what we had?

Was is it everything that you were looking for?

If I couldn't feel your touch  
and no longer were you with me  
I'd be wishing you were here  
to be everything that I've been looking for.

I don't wanna forget

the present is a gift.

And I don't wanna take for granted

the time you may have here with me.

Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed!

So every time you hold me  
hold me like this is the last time.  
Every time you kiss me  
kiss me like you'll never see me again.  
Every time you touch me  
touch me like this is the last time.  
Promise that you'll love me,  
love me like you'll never see me again  
Oh oh ohhh) (Alicia Keys)

Their foreheads touched as Jason broke the kiss. But a moment later, while Carly was still catching her breath, he gave her another shorter, even more desperate kiss, as he let out a soft moan.

That sound broke something open inside of Carly. The floodgates of feelings that she never quite was able to get past since the day Jason told her that he was giving up custody of Michael. Suddenly everything that she tried to keep bottled up was flowing through her, hitting her like a blow to the chest.

"Jase?" his name stumbled off her lips.

(How many really know what love is?

Millions never will.

Did you know until you lose it

that it was everything

that you were looking for?)

"I'm sorry," he said.

Blinking rapidly she slipped off the bed and wiped her eyes. Keeping her back to him she told him "That's okay."

"Carly-"

Just then Bobbie walked in. She smiled. "You're looking good! Oh I see my daughter was just telling you how much you scared her. Don't worry, Jason, she was in good hands while you were in surgery. Luke happened to be here visiting me when you were brought in and he stuck around to wait with Carly. I think he drove her so nuts she almost couldn't think about how worried she was over you."

Carly turned around in time to catch Jason swallowing hard. She studied his face. All she saw there was regret. She choked out "I have to get home," then she fled the room without looking at him again.

Her mom let out a surprised gasp. "Carly?"

But Carly didn't stop to explain. She didn't know what she would say. How to explain what had just happened when it was hard to believe it really had.

Jason always kept himself in check around her as far as anything romantic went. Long ago she came to the sad conclusion he was never going to make a move on her. After Courtney died, after Carly divorced Sonny, that painful and confusing time....she needed him to kiss her then...but he had Sam and he made a choice. He stayed with his girlfriend and let Carly become more independent than she ever had been before.

It was good for her.

She needed to see that his love for Sam was real. She needed to stand on her own two feet. She needed to get strong. Lord knows she used that strength many times in the years that followed. Through all that pain, some of it caused by Jason and some by the tragedies that life threw at them, she learned not to break. Not to hope for Jason to love her like she craved ever again.

Carly built a whole new life for herself. She was proud of that. Proud of how strong she was now. But as she got in the elevator, her fingers touching her lips, and tears shimmering in her eyes, she didn't know if she was strong enough to survive this.

His words repeated in her head _"I'm sorry."_


	16. What His Soul Craves, part 3

**What His Soul Craves**

**Jason and Carly, canon**

**Part Three**

**December 31****st, ****2009**

His first day home and his mind was all over the place. He eased onto the couch, while Sam set down a bag of his medication on the coffee table.

Jason knew he was being cold to her. Closed down. He was trying to get his head together. He couldn't explain to Sam what made him feel like he was now. The last thing he would ever do is tell her about the dream. Ever. That dream was his and he wouldn't let anyone but Carly know it ever happened.

But Sam needed to know something. Because she could feel how he was slipping into himself and away from her.

Blowing out a long breath, that made a few strands of hair move, Sam said "Okay! You're home. Good. Now lets get you some real food. That hospital mush couldn't have left you very satisfied these last few days."

Jason reached out and took her arm, as she was walking past him. "Sit with me, okay? For a minute. I want to talk to you."

She sat next to him. "I understand how when something like this happens it makes you think about your whole life..I get that...and, you don't have to say it because I feel it," her eyes were wide and searching his "you're rethinking us, right?"

"Sam...." God, this sucked.

He wanted her to know how much she meant to him. How every tear she ever cried in his presence was etched on his memory. How every time she forgave him...for some things she never even brought up but they both knew....he felt honored to be her man. He wanted to be able to give her every dream inside her head but he knew he couldn't.

It wasn't just that he wanted to be with Carly instead.

It was that feeling he knew in that dream. He couldn't accept anything but that feeling when it came to love.

Maybe that meant he'd always be alone. Right in that moment he felt he deserved to get that fate. For all he ever did wrong and all he never did when he should have years ago.

For doing this to Sam.

She jumped off the couch and started pacing. "Its not like we are in a committed relationship or anything. We both have said we want to take this slow and not get in too deep because that could end up hurting one or both of us so I get that you never invested in this....the last few months...the same way you did what we had before. Either did I. I get this. It makes sense."

"Sam. Stop. Please.....Just listen to me."

Standing completely still she stared at him.

Jason hung his head and cleared his throat. Then he looked back up. "You've been so good to me. Its just that right now, more than anything, I need space. I have a lot to think about. I just....I can't be who you need right now....and I don't think its right to ask you to wait for me. Don't wait for me."

His voice caught when he added "Because even if I did come to you again.....I'd be so much less than you deserve."

"You..." her hands fluttered before her and then she clasped them "you....Jason.....you'll always be my first love. I can't hate you or regret you. I don't know why you woke up feeling like this...I don't get it....but I know no one can ever change your mind when you're adamant on something....And I won't beg, like before, for you to feel how good we can be."

"I do feel it. I just can't do this anymore. I don't have the words for why but I know it....I know we need to say goodbye and mean it this time."

Tearfully said whispered "Good bye then," and walked quickly out of his apartment, not even bothering to close the door.

Jason laid his head back on the couch and let the tears fall freely.

XXXXXXXXXX

Carly spent her New Year's Eve hosting a party at the Metro Court. She ended up, at nearly midnight, near the bar with tears in her eyes.

She was watching Sonny dance with Alexis.

Olivia walked up and followed Carly's gaze. "It never gets easier does it. Looking at an ex with someone new. Why does it still hurt when you know he's a dog and you don't want him back?"

Carly jostled out of her thoughts about Jason. "Huh? Oh, them." She refocused on Sonny and Alexis. "Yeah, well, I wish her luck. She'll need it."

With that said Carly started to walk away.

Olivia called out "Hey, are you okay?"

Carly turned back, dressed in a long black sparkly gown, with her hair curly, she said "No. I need my best friend and I can't have him tonight."

She headed for her office where she could cry alone. Carly ended up looking at a picture of Jason holding Joss that was on her phone. She rubbed her finger over the image.

In a choked tone she whispered "I love you too much for my own damn good."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

January 2nd, 2010

"I don't understand where this is coming from, Carly," Jax said in a pleading tone while they stood in their bedroom. "Just last week you wanted to work on us! I go out of town and when I come back you're ready to sign the divorce papers. Is this because I wasn't here for you when Jason was hurt?"

"No," she said, her voice hoarse.

"Because I know that you never really forgave me for being out of town when Michael was shot and that you think I should have been here when the hotel was robbed but my work takes me out of town. You knew that when you fell in love with me. You can't blame me for not knowing ahead of time something horrible will happen when I'm away. I hate....I hate leaving our family....I'm distracted when I'm gone and I rush back....but its not enough, is it? Nothing I do is enough."

"I wanted to try. I really did. I look at Joss..." she started to sob "and I think of myself at her age! I think about how Frank was already looking at the door. I think about how I wasn't enough to keep him there. I don't want my daughter thinking that but I can't pretend-"

Jax hisses out, in a betrayed tone, "Pretend?" Then he threw up his hands and turned to leave. He pulled open the door but paused, turned around and came back. He took Carly by the arms. "I want to make this marriage work. One more chance? For our daughter. Please.....one more chance..." and then he bent to kiss her.

She pushed him away.

She hadn't kissed Jax since Jason kissed her. He had been out of town so it wasn't an issue. Now it felt like she didn't want anyone's lips on hers but Jason. Even if she couldn't have Jason she could not settle for Jax.

Carly just wanted space to grieve alone. "Please go. I won't change my mind this time. Don't be like Sonny and force me to stay in a marriage I don't want to be in anymore."

Hearing that Jax left. Carly heard him slip into the nearby nursery. When the sobs wracked Carly's body it was for her baby girl, not herself, and because she felt like a selfish mother who was living in a fantasy past with her boy on the side.

The thing was she would take that fantasy over any other reality. Every single time.


	17. What His Soul Craves, part 4

**What His Soul Craves**

**Jason and Carly, canon**

**Part Four**

January 5th, 2009

"Stone Cold and Fair Samantha have parted ways," Spinelli said to Carly, as he stood in her living room "and I am quite concerned for him because he won't allow me to assist him in any way with his recovery or even speak to me about the torrent of feelings I'm sure he is experiencing following such a harrowing experience and then a heartbreak in less than a week's time. I was hoping I could appeal to you, as his best friend and closest confidant, to...perhaps....go to him and ease his troubled mind, at least as much as he will allow."

Grabbing her purse Carly said "You did the right thing by coming to me. Tell Mercedes I'll call her later."

"Certainly, Valkryie."

XXXXXXXXXX

When he heard the knock on the door he instinctively knew it was her. Not only did she have a certain unique style of knocking but the hair on his arms stood up. A sure sign she was close by. "Come in, Carly!" he made sure his voice was light, maybe even a little annoyed, but not hurt or sad.

She came hurriedly through the door, looking over his whole body intently as he was sitting on the couch with his leg resting on the coffee table. "You need some juice."

"You got all that by just looking at me?"

"I can tell you're not hydrating yourself. You have to take care of yourself, Jase. You know how bad...." she paused and then added "I need you." Then she headed for the kitchen.

When she came back he took the glass from her and dutifully took a drink. "Better?" he asked.

"No. You need food too. I'm going to order a pizza. Or do you want something else? Chinese maybe? Kelly's? Eli's?"

"Carly, sit down." He patted the couch.

Still in her coat she sat down.

Jason said "Now take a breath."

Carly sucked in a breath and let it out. Then she looked at him. She stroked his cheek. "You aren't taking care of yourself."

He eased away from her. It was just too intense to feel her touching him. "I'm fine. I promise. I'm getting better every day."

"You look like hell."

"Thanks!"

"Much worse than when you were in the hospital. Maybe you better go back for a follow up."

"I'm taking my medication and keeping my appointments at GH. Promise."

"You better be, Jase."

"So....why did you stop by?"

Carly looked all around. "Sam isn't here?"

"You heard."

"Busted."

"Yeah, well, Sam and I....we....it was complicated and it just got more so when I was hurt so...."

"Jase, I will hate myself if somehow I cost you your happiness."

"Why would you say that? You gave me...you've given me the happiest days of my life."

"And the worst ones too."

He nodded. "But that's how it goes. I never expected to.....be able to hurt as bad as I have...over anybody, let alone you. I didn't think we'd last like this back when I was your boy on the side."

"We have lasted, haven't we? In our own way."

They shared a heated look before Jason cleared his voice and pushed himself up on two legs. He had a limp still. "Pizza? I'll call."

He moved over near the pool table, grabbing his phone off the mantle as he did, and tried not to think about his dream where they had a family dinner. It was only a dream. But it was affecting him still. It lingered in his mind. It haunted his nights. It was a part of him now in a way that was visceral.

Carly jumped up. "Should you be standing? You should take it easy. Sit down."

"I'm fine. I can stand. I need to move around more anyway. I feel like I've been on that couch for days."

After he made the call he went to stand by the window. He stared out. "I know we need to talk about...what happened....because I won't let us....lose each other...just because we can't talk about this."

"You could never lose me. Not in a million years. Not even if you wanted to."

He gave her a look that was filled with pain.

She walked close to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Jase, we're okay. I swear we are." When she pulled back she was still half way holding him. "It was just....unexpected. But it doesn't have to change anything, okay?"

Having her pressed against him played havoc with his senses, like rapid machine gun fire images of making love to her in his dream assaulted him, and he couldn't think of anything but having her mouth against his another time. Jason caught her lips in a desperate kiss. It deepened and intensified, getting completely out of control, before he eventually jerked back and said "I'm sorry, Carly....God," he pinched his nose. "I have to get myself under control. This is not fair to you!"

She was in daze. She touched her mouth. "Wow."

Jason smirked as the tension drained out of him. Then he let out a sigh and moved away from her, not trusting himself to be too close anymore. "Come and sit back down. I gotta tell you something....something happened to me."

XXXXXXXXXXX

No one kissed as good as Jason. She felt it down to her toes. It sizzled down her spine. It licked like a flame at the base of her neck and made her whole face hot. Her breasts grew heavy. She was shivering from goose bumps and aching for another long taste of him.

To get her hands up under that black t-shirt.

Carly chucked off her coat and then came to sit next to Jason. "What happened to you and why am I just hearing this now? If something major happened since that day I visited you in the hospital you know you could call me. You can always call me. No matter what's going on between us. If things are weird or one of us is mad....just call me, Jase. Please. I hate to be shut out."

"This happened the day of my accident."

"Before you were hurt?"

"After. I got thrown off my bike and I was laying there in the freezing mud and....I thought I was dying...and I wanted to see you." He gave her a moment to let that sink in. "You are the only person I wanted right then."

"You called me."

"I know. But I blacked out before I could say anything."

"I was so scared when that teenager picked up your phone and said you'd been hurt. I got hysterical and she told me she'd get you help."

"I'm sorry you went through that."

"I wish I was there with you, Jase, when you needed me the most."

"You were." He stared into her eyes for a moment and then looked down. He cleared his throat again. "I had a dream about you."

She squealed.

"Carly." He laughed.

She wrapped her arm around his neck.

He said "Watch the leg."

She happily hung on him. "A dream," she whispered giddily. "Did I tell you or did I not tell you that we are soulmates?"

"You told me."

Their eyes met again as he pretended he hated her hanging on him and was so annoyed. Then his expression grew serious and he rested his forehead against hers. She whispered "Tell me about your dream."

"We were...uh....we were..."

"What?"

"Married. We were married. It was the very end of next summer. Joss was bigger and Michael had a girlfriend and Morgan was excited because the Yankees were about to get back to the World Series and-"

"Wow."

"God, Carly, it was....."

"It sounds intense."

"It was."

"Are you okay?" Her hand caressed his cheek.

He took her hand and brought it down, holding it. "I promise you that I won't keep kissing you....I won't mess up your marriage....just give me a little time. I just got to....take a little more time to get past this."

The pain cut deep when she heard that. Her voice cracked when she asked "Get past me? Us? Don't you know yet that's impossible?"

He stared down at their joined hands. And then he noticed her wedding band was gone. He lifted up her hand. Worriedly he said "You took off your ring. You left Jax?"

"We were hanging on by a thread anyway."

Jason moved far back from her, sliding over on the couch. Angrily he spat out "You did this because I kissed you, right?"

Tearfully Carly cried "What's so wrong with that?"

Jason's jaw clenched.

Carly asked "Seriously, what is so wrong with picking you over him? I'd always pick you, Jase. You knew that before you kissed me."

"I wasn't thinking! I didn't mean for this to happen. What about Joss?"

"She will have both her parents. God willing, she will be happy and healthy. But her parents won't be married. Its okay. I promise...it's okay. My marriage was over anyway. Just calm down." She rubbed his back.

"I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying that!"

"I never meant to cause you to end your marriage. I don't know what I was thinking when I kissed you while I was in the hospital.....and just now. I just...." He leaned over and kissed her, pressing her back on the couch, ignoring the pain that shot through his leg and just tasting her sweetness like a man dying of thirst would suck down a drink of water.


	18. What His Soul Craves, part 5

**What His Soul Craves**

**Jason and Carly, canon**

**Part Five**

He was sorry that he messed up Carly's marriage. Jason was also sorry that he hurt Sam. All of it was unintentional.

But he wouldn't have it any other way. Not if that meant he had to go without kissing Carly.

He was glad for that dream. Glad for the wake up call that made him see the woman who had been standing in front of him for years. He hadn't let himself think of anything but how much they could hurt each other. How if they fell apart then he couldn't catch her when she fell the next time. How he didn't trust himself to not run from her if she broke him again. It didn't have to be cheating. There were so many ways she could hurt him because he gave her so much power over him. He tried and tried to minimize the risk by keeping a little bit of distance between them, that distance that kept him able to watch her marry other men even if it felt like hr was choking on his own tongue to tell her about him and another chick.

Now the distance was gone.

He kissed her with intense neediness and moaned against her lips. Somehow every kiss they shared now was even more powerful than the last.

He had fantastic sex in his life. Even emotional sex with other women. But nothing compared to the way he felt inside when it was Carly he was kissing.

The feelings he had back when they met were nothing like the feelings he had now. Back then he was stupid and childish. He really did think that he could walk away from her. And he really did think he'd be all right, or that somehow he'd survive.

But he learned, that first year, how very wrong he was and all the years since were a slow rebuilding of his life. Sometimes there were good moments that didn't include her but anytime he tried to leave her too far behind everything in his body revolted.

He had to have Carly in his life. And now he knew he had to have her in his bed again too. But not yet. They needed time.

Jason broke their kiss. They were both panting. Her eyes were glazed. Jason sat up. Carly fixed her clothes and licked her lips.

She asked "How can you be sorry about something this damn good?"

He smirked.

(The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting.  
Could it be that we have been this way before?

I know you don't think that I am trying.  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core.

But hold your breathe  
because tonight will be the night

that I will fall for you  
over again.

Don't make me change my mind  
or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
because a girl like you is impossible to find.

You're impossible to find.) (Secondhand Serenade)

Trying to calm his excited body and concentrate on what he knew he had to say to her, Jason let out a short breath and then said "I should have controlled myself better....in the hospital....today. For your sake I will do better. I can't promise I'll always resist the urge to kiss you...as we figure this out...but I won't push you for too much too fast."

"It couldn't be too fast for me. If you weren't hurt right now...."

He smiled. "Carly, come on."

She grinned. "You know you want to!"

"Carly," he tried to stop smiling "that's enough. We have a lot to talk about. We're not just....jumping in."

"We both want to."

Raising an eyebrow he asked hopefully "You do?"

Of course he knew she wanted him but he wanted to her say it while he was looking right in her eyes.

"Didn't you feel it when you kissed me, Jase? Don't tell me you can't read my body anymore."

He raised his thumb and stroked it over her bottom lip. "God," he said, throatily.

She leaned close to him, so their foreheads were touching, and he cupped her face. "Jase....I want to be with you again. There. I said it. So there's no doubts. I want to belong to you."

"You do," he whispered desperately. "You do....you do." And then he kissed her again. All his good intentions were going to hell because he couldn't seem to stop tasting her.

He needed to find some of his usual self control and restraint so they could take it slow and get someplace good instead of being emotional and crazy. He knew that. He didn't want to jeopardize their shot.

Carly's fingers went into his hair. When he broke the kiss she let out a happy, teary sigh.

Jason looked into her eyes. "I didn't deny us this as a punishment. Know that. I did it because I thought...I thought I could go without this for the rest of my life...I was wrong."

(This is not what I intended.  
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart.

You always thought that I was stronger.

I may of failed  
but I have loved you from the start.

Ohhhh

But hold your breathebecause tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
over again.

Don't make me change my mind  
or I won't live to see another day,

I swear it's true.

Because a girl like you is impossible to find.  
It's impossible.

So breathe in so deep.

Breathe me in.

I'm yours to keep  
and hold onto your words

cause talk is cheap.

And remember me tonight  
when your asleep)

Carly smiled widely. "That must have been some dream! Tell me more!"

"Come here." He motioned for her to lean on him, which she did, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He laid a kiss on her temple. "It was more than that dream. The dream made me think....but no dream could make me love you. I love you because of....all these years....these years of us...The dream just told me that I could have more...if I let myself...if you wanted me still."

"Of course I want you. You're the one man I'd never walk away from."

"Even if things go bad-"

"Nothing will go wrong."

"You can't know that."

"I do know, Jase." She intertwined their fingers and sighed happily again. "This feels so right."

"Carly, please, tell me you'll never hate me and never pull away from our friendship."

"Never."

He relaxed visibly. "We'll just take it slowly and we'll find our way."

"I want to call my Mom and call Lulu and call Olivia and call the world and tell everyone we're together but I think...for Jax's sake....we better not tell anyone yet. Spinelli would be okay but he works with Sam....."

"I'll tell Sam when the time is right. For now lets just keep this between us. We have a lot of ground to make up, Carly. Know that. Its not as easy as saying...we're together....its work."

"Just as long as you know this is what's right. You're not having doubts, are you? Thinking that maybe you do need to try and work it out with Sam? Because if the after effects of this dream are gonna wear off..."she looked up at him "warn me now."

"There's no way I could stop wanting....this. No way."

She smiled. "Good." Letting go of his hand she reached up to grab his neck and force him to bend and kiss her. She sucked his bottom lip and gave him a kiss that left him hungry to taste every bit of her flesh.

They had always been hot together. But they had never been in this place before. Mature enough to see past their own fears and insecurities and with enough experiences piled up to know that life usually offered pain and misery over and over. So if they had a chance for love and happiness they had to take it.

Even if the timing was bad and even if some people might get hurt. Jason had nearly died not long before. All their chances could be gone.

But they weren't. They were laying in front of them now. Carly and Jason planned to enjoy every second of being in love and making a new version of them.

(Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
over again.

Don't make me change my mind  
or I won't live to see another day,  
I swear it's true.

Because a girl like you is impossible to find.

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you  
over again  
Don't make me change my mind.  
Or I won't live to see another day,  
I swear it's true.

Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find)

THE END


	19. Forever in Memories

**Forever In Memories**

"I know it was just a dream, Jase!" she screamed, her voice scratchy from crying. "Do you think I don't know that? I know! I just can't...." her yelling faded to whisper. She let out a breath that was full of tears. "I can't get past it. I can't let it go."

He deflated.

All he wanted was to help her. It was hurting him to see her like this. Stuck in all the thoughts in her head. All the fantasies her mind conjured up when she was in a coma about him, her and Michael having a perfect life together. It all took place around Christmas time. Her favorite time of the year. She imagined them shopping for a tree, opening gifts, making love in front of a roaring fire, taking Michael to see Santa Claus, spending time with her Mom, brother and cousins, reading Michael stories and taking him to the hospital for the party on Christmas Eve. She imagined the life she wanted most.

Jason used to think Carly only believed she wanted him most. Her actions showed she wanted Sonny and that is what counted: actions.

But didn't her brain making up this story about them count for something? Did it count for enough? Would it make her not run back to Sonny? Would it make her stop doing crazy, destructive things that made Jason freak out cause he didn't want her hurt and, most of all, he didn't want to wake up another day and think she was gone from the world.

What they had between them he could never define but it was real and it was there. And now it was breaking her apart.

Jason had tried to talk her through it but the months went on and she couldn't get past the memories in her head from her dream. Refused to live with Sonny. Refused to think about going back to him ever again. Wouldn't do therapy. Wouldn't do much of anything without Jason or her mom being with her. They got her through Morgan's christening and all her doctor's appointments as she recovered from being shot in the head. And kept her from shooting Ric, which she came damn close to.

That was one thing Jason could, and did, fix for her. But this...the memories in her head of a life they never shared....that he couldn't do anything about.

All that he could do was hold her and let her cry. Jason pulled Carly into his arms. She was shaking. The tears fell from her dark, stormy eyes. She wanted that life so bad that it was killing her.

Just like being without her felt like it was killing him. Sure he pushed that all back and did his best to make it work with Courtney but it never was gonna work. Courtney wasn't made for their life. Courtney sure as hell didn't understand him. Courtney was an angel, in Jason's book, who tried her best but she was never gonna get down deep inside of him the way Carly had.

He eased back from Carly and said "Hey," to make her look up at him before he went on "we will get through this, okay? I'm going to get you through this."

"How, Jase? I don't want to let it go. I want to be back there! That's where I want to live! I wish I never woke up!" Carly gasped them, in bitter shame and guilt for even saying that aloud.

"What you imagined...yeah, that was what you think you want for your life....but you didn't have Morgan there, did you? Are you saying you'll give up your baby?"

"No, of course not! Its just-"

"Are you saying you don't think you can ever find something just as good in real life? Not some dream where no problems exist. That's not real, Carly. That's ideal. Real...its messy. Its ugly. Its hurts! But its better! I swear to you....." hoarsely he added "its better."

She ran her hands through her hair. Giving him a teary smile she said "I'll always want to be in that dream....always. Nothing you say will change that. But...I get it. This is my life. I gotta deal with this reality before I end up back in Ferncliffe, huh?"

"You will never end up there because you're strong. And I'm......right here."

She wiped the tears off her face. Jason reached over and wiped one away. She leaned her face against his palm before she kissed his palm. That act drew him closer to her till there was no space between them.

Looking down at the face that he knew he'd always want to look at every day of his life till he had no life left Jason said "I'll make you a bet. 20 bucks says...." his voice was the one that was scratchy now "you will love your life by the Christmas after this one."

"You don't like to think that far ahead so how can you know that?"

He smiled slightly. His mind was already clicking through what he would have to do in order to make it happen and accepting that some bad things had to happen in order to have a chance for good things to happen. Courtney would never understand. Sonny would always feel like they played him. Like Carly never really was Sonny's at all- no matter that he said he was done with her anyway. People would throw hate at them but it didn't matter.

All that mattered is Carly wanted a different life and so did Jason. And it was worth the pain to try and get there. Maybe he was setting himself up to get ripped to shreds when it didn't happen...when something came along and tore their world to pieces...and maybe he was risking Michael and Morgan's happiness. But those kids were not happy right now, living with a depressed mother and a worried grandmother.

They needed a stable home. Carly needed to feel sane again. And Jason needed to take care of his family.

Besides, he had been waiting, a small part of him that didn't curl up and die that day he lost her, for her to show him with her actions that it was him who she couldn't let go of....in every way. And that Sonny was the one she could push aside.

So what that she did it by having a dream in a coma? That meant that deep inside the feelings that she had for Jason were still strong and still holding her hostage.

The easiest way to make this right was to just do this together. Make a new life together. Not exactly what she saw in her coma, not as perfect and ideal, but it would be good. Cause it would be them and the boys.

Jason told Carly "I don't know." He chuckled. "But I know that you.....always find a way to get what you want out of me."

She gave him a small smile. Then they hugged some more. It wouldn't be long till Courtney was crying about the divorce and Carly was asking Jason why the hell he was doing this to his life.

He would look at her and say one word "You," and they would have to take it from there.

It would be a mess.

This time he wasn't gonna run from the mess, give up the fight, or back down when fear tried to make him believe they could never have their dreams.

Because the dreams weren't gonna die just cause they ignored them. Jason knew that. He knew he could ignore this till he died but it wouldn't change a thing.

She'd always remain the woman who drove him crazy and the one who walked through all his dreams. Might as well stop trying to fight it. The fight was only making them all miserable.

It was time to put his fight into making her happy instead.

**THE END**


End file.
